Zarion: WWWWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!! The time is currently 9:23, and I am eating pie with carmel sauce on it!!! YUMMMMMM!!!!! I am going crazy, and happy almost new year! Zarion out!!!!
Happy New Year! Also, if you’re reading this, then the world HASN’T ended! Just what I expected.
Hello. I come from February 17, 2011. I TOLD you the world wouldn’t end.
Zarion out.
Green Thumb’s Column: (SPOILER ALERT) Fantastic Four #600
(EERRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!SPOILER ALERT!!!!!!!!!!!EEEEEEERRRR!!!!!)
Last year, Marvel Comics killed off a core member of the Fantastic Four. That member was…the Human Torch, aka Johnny Storm. Now, surprise, surprise, he was brought back to life. Who saw that coming? Anyone? I definitely saw it coming, just with less worms. (Worms brought him back to life. Don’t ask me how, I’m also confused.) Can you say, ‘Comic Book Cliche’, aka NOTHING NEW???????
Tigerboy Interviews…Himself
Tigerboy: So, me, how do you feel about your one thousandth case with the super hero team you’re a part of? (turns to face opposite direction) Very happy. So many wonderful things have happened. (turns) Is that it? (turns) Yes. (turns) Okay. That’s all the time we have, so, goodbye!
Holiday Song Parody: “The Fourth Month of School”
Zarion: In my fourth month of school
I was horrified to see
an ominous tear in my backpack,
a rip in my lunch box,
confusion with my science binder,
an annoying locker,
a locker neighbor who sprays perfume, and it stinks,
tests are coming soon,
my lunchbox still smells like pickle juice,
Math in general worries me,
a disgusting yogurt spill on the ground,
more annoying perfume,
Science also worries me,
and a ‘Happy Holidays’ to you all!
Update
Tigerboy: Snow equals spectacular. Un-spectacular, because of the lack of snow. ALso, stories are accepted. Short ones. (gulps) Uh, oh. ZARION!!! IT”S GOING TO EXPLODE!!!
(far away)
Zarion: What?? I can’t hear you! The rehearsal of the next skit is starting in ‘Post Transcript Room 3.’
(machine explodes)
Zarion: Oh. That’s what you were saying.
Tigerboy: (charred) Owwww……..
A Miscellaneous Soup Holiday Un-Spectacular
Zarion: We need snow. So, Tigerboy has invented a Snow-Maker 7000. The name could have been better.
Tigerboy: Well, I was celebrating my 1,000th mission with the Superclub. Short notice.
Zarion: Anyway, it needs to be fueled with words. Random words. Send in random comments with poems relating to winter. The best will be the Snow Maker 7000′s fuel. Zarion out, contest in.
Green Thumb’s Column: Winter
One word for you. COLD. I hate the cold. It makes my fur all poofy. Wait, no, that’s humidity. Still, I hate it. I hate all kinds of weather! HATE IT! Now, can someone please get me out of this snowdrift??? HELP!!
Tigerboy Interviews…The Mad WHUMP-er
(cheers)
Tigerboy: Hello, everybody! Today, I will interview the famous escaped convict!
Mad WHUMPer: (grinning evilly) Hi, Mr. Tiger. It’s nice to meet you here. In a room with a blog being turned into a transcript live. And a fake studio audience…
Tigerboy: Hey, that was a secret! Anyway, they call you the Mad WHUMPer because you kill people with poisoned snowballs. Your catchphrase is “With each WHUMP, more people dump.” Not very creative, and it sounds misleading.
Mad WHUMPer: No witnesses…(pulls out snowball, throws it at Tigerboy)
Tigerboy: (gets hit with snowball; no WHUMPH) Did you really think that could kill me? Anyway, let me introduce you to a little friend. Ladies and gentlemen, Morty the Sound Effects Removal Guy. Also, the Miscellaneous Soup police force. Goodnight, everyone!
Mad WHUMPer: Curse you, Morty the Sound Effects Removal Guy!
Green Thumb’s Column: Why I Haven’t Been Posting
Remember when I said that I could post three times in one week? Well, Zarion actually said that, but I had a party in celebration, and, to make a long story short, I am no longer welcome in Pittsburgh. I finally returned, and my columns will be here semi-regularily. Also, I concede that Zarion wins the song parody duel. I read a sneak preview of his newest one, and it could be worse.
Sad Song Parody of “The Rainboy Connection”
Zarion: And now, “The Nuclear Radiation!” Yaaaayyyyyy!
Tigerboy: It combines social commentary and parodies. What more could you ask for?
Zarion: Chocolate pie?
Tigerboy: Okay, enough host/co-host introduction banter. Start the song!
Why is everyone so paranoid
About nuclear radiation
And the deadly effects it could have?
Because, radiation is deadly.
Extinction could happen
And bunkers can’t help you hide!
So we’ve been told and stupid people chose to
put crazy rumors on the Internet
But I know they’ll get deleted….wait and see.
Tigerboy: CUT!!! This is getting too depressing. It reminds me of the time a villain made me eat a nuclear bomb…(pauses)…the explosion didn’t hurt, actually.
Zarion: Okay, that’s just weird. Goodnight! Hopefully we’ll be funnier later!
Zarion out.
Facts That Sound True But May or May Not Be Real
Swedish fish have three extra gills because of the weather.
Dogs in Michigan don’t bark, they purr.
If you look extremely close at the moon on Labor Day, you can see the American flag.
The True Tale of Tyrone Turkey
Zarion: So, without further ado, the story of Tyrone Turkey!
Tyrone: So, after the shark attacked me, I escaped to the Bahamas. You found me, gave me plastic surgery, Cuddles tried to feed me, Cuddles tried to cook me, and mutant dinosaur potato chips attacked me.
Zarion (stunned): Wha….uh….Ahh…ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? Seriously??!! Are. You. Kidding. Me? That’s it? Details, turkey! DETAILS! So? Tell the details. Come on!
Tyrone: Well, I really can’t describe it.
Zarion: That’s it. (beckoning to an open door) SHARK! POTATO CHIPS! ATTAAAAAAACK!
Sharks, potato chips: YAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!
Tyrone: Poop….
Zarion: Zarion out. And so is Tyrone Turkey….Mwuahahhahha!
