STORY: The Legend Of World Book Day!


NOTE: This was original published on a different website. I’m posting it here so more people can enjoy it.

A/N: It’s the most wonderful time of the year! Hooray, huzzah, callooh, callay, oh frabjous day! It’s World Book Day, so I thought I would tell you about all of the traditions associated with this most hallowed of national days.

 

The Legend Of World Book Day!

by MiscellaneousSoup

 

Beginnings: Every celebration of World Book Day begins when Skively Wellington, an extremely pompous old man, prances down the street, hurtling books at everyone! He is usually dressed in a fancy suit, complete with a top hat, monocle, and cane. Basically, imagine a taller version of Rich Uncle Pennybags, otherwise known as that guy on the Monopoly game!

 

If you don’t like the book, please tell him that you don’t like it. Use the phrase “Sir, I am afraid that I do not desire this publication! Might I please exchange it?” He will continue to throw books at you, increasing in length and weight, until you find one you like! If he throws a thesaurus at you, it means that you don’t know the proper phrasing! If he throws a bar of soap at you, it means that he has extra bars of soap and he doesn’t know what to do with them.

 

How To Celebrate: To celebrate World Book Day, any person can write a book in the following three hundred and sixty-four days of the year! Then, bind up a book and make multiple copies. After that, dress up as a giant book, complete with the appropriate binding and ink. Tie yourself to a wheelbarrow, stocked with all of the copies of your novel. Then, get a friend to shove you down the highway before they get into their costume. As you plummet down the interstate, scream “HAPPY WORLD BOOK DAY, EVERYONE!”

 

After that, you should get medical attention. By that, I don’t mean going to a hospital. No, that would be absolutely preposterous! You don’t get help from other people on World Book Day, you get help from books on World Book Day! Drag your injured person to the library and start reading every medical textbook they have. Once you are well-versed in that field, make like a  physician and heal thyself!

 

Origins: This tradition began in jolly old prehistoric times where the dinosaurs would scribble down the best places to find food on pieces of leaves, then bind them together with tar. Coincidentally, this also began the tradition of restaurant menus. However, if you want to see the first human instance, then look no further! Here is the story of Brog.

 

Brog: Brog was a caveman, as well as a dolt. He would ruin everyone’s food and trample everyone’s living space. On no more than seventeen occasions, he nearly killed the entirety of the Neanderthal population! Yes, even the ones in a different location! One day, everyone got tired with Brog, so they decided to form a task force. The task force decided to create a manuscript to knock some sense into Brog. Unfortunately, beating him in the cranium didn’t work. One Neanderthal came up with the clever idea of forcing him to read and comprehend the manuscript. It didn’t work, he grunted and threw in the tar pit. After that, things started to change, but we don’t need to get into that now.

 

Modern Traditions: Bookworms around the world have come up with a definitive list of celebration tactics!

  1. Hugging your local library.
  2. Kissing your local library.
  3. Marrying your local library.
  4. Marrying two libraries together.
  5. Marrying three or more libraries together.
  6. Building a new library.
  7. Find a factory that makes Kindles and Nooks and BURN IT TO THE GROUND!
  8. Go find a person who has a Kindle or Nook. Slap them in the face, then kick them until they pass out. Call the police to get them arrested for crimes against paper-based materials.
  9. Support independent bookstores and libraries! (This one is not a joke. I’m actually being serious, please do it. Amazon has been up to some shady things.)
  10. Put on your best Skively Wellington cosplay!
  11. Go to SkivelyCon, a convention for all things Skively Wellington! See the best cosplay and the best recreation of his birth! (He was born when the first library was created. He burst out of the reference desk with a halo-ish glow! Several people fainted, while others started bowing down to him on the spot.)
  12. Make up your own traditions and send them to me at the WordPress blog, Miscellaneous Soup.
  13. Share this comprehensive guide with your friends, family, acquaintances, and enemies!


Got any other special days that you want me to talk about? Leave ‘em in the reviews! Have a wonderful day, my friends!

PARODY: DuckTales Theme Song- REBOOTED!


This is a special message from the executives at Disney. Yesterday, we announced the reboot of DuckTales, to positive reception. However, some people have expressed concerns that we will ‘ruin’ the classic show by modernizing it, despite our  saying that it will keep the spirit of the original show. To appease your worries, we have decided to release a sneak preview of the new theme song.

DuckTales Reboot

Life is full of neat swag

Here in Duckburg

Star Wars, iPads, Marvel Comics

It’s a duck-blur

Might solve a mystery

Or rewrite history

DuckTales (REBOOT!)

We’re back, your favorite show!

DuckTales (REBOOT!)

This can’t possibly be bad!

DuckTales (REBOOT!)

We can also announce at this time that the theme song will be performed by Taylor Swift and rendered in dubstep.

(MADE MONTHS AGO, POSTING NOW)Eight Day Chanukah Challenge, Day One: A Song Parody


Eight Days More

by Zachary Krishef (Sung to the tune of One Day More, from Les Miserables)

Eight days more!

Another holiday, another festival!

This never-ending stream of holidays!

The latkes taste so sublime,

Why we don’t eat them year-around- it’s a crime!

Eight days more!

Songs of making dreidels out of clay,

nearly all the rhymes have been charted!

Eight days more!

On the twenty-fifth, the latkes will be put away,

The Passover cleaning will be started!

Eight more days with my family…

Will we ever find zen?

One more day with present sharing,

Always remember to say thank you!

Taking family photos on Dad’s smart phone

How technological times change, if only our ancestors knew…

Eight more days of the new norm!

See how the menorah glows…

Latkes with applesauce, yum!

Lighting candles with nary a care…

Daylight savings don’t affect the norm…

Hiding presents, avoiding a curious stare…

Will you watch the Rugrats Chanukah special with me?

The time is now, the days are here!

Eight days more!

Eight more days of celebration!

We will mash the potato spud!

We’ll be ready for the special dinner tonight!

Stop imitating Elmer Fudd!

Eight days more!

Light those candles now,

Don’t burn the latkes,

Never break the decorations!

Tell the traditional tales!

Take a little trip

Talk to the relatives

Spread the customs

Put down that phone!

Eight days until a regular week!

Then the New Year comes!

Everyone will feast like kings

There’s always a new tale to be spun!

Do you hear the relatives sing?

They want more latkes!

Eight days more!

Yes, I know that this wasn’t the best song parody. None of my are, with the potential exception of “Elect Me Maybe.” Have an excellent day!

“Heat The School”: A Song Parody


“Let It Snow” Song Parody

By A Very Frozen Zachary Krishef

 

Oh, the weather inside is frightful

It makes me so very spiteful

I see frost on my book-stool

Heat the school, heat the school, heat the school!

 

It doesn’t show signs of repair

All those who attend, beware!

I would rather be eating gruel

Heat the school, heat the school, heat the school!

 

Going home would be a delight

I really want to be warm

I want to set a desk alite

Curse this snow storm!

 

I really don’t mean to be prying

But how long have you been trying

To keep the warmth a flow

Please, heat the school, heat the school, heat the school!

 

I think I’m going numb

Everyone’s feeling glum

I hate to sound like a ghoul,

but can you heat the school, heat the school, heat the school?!

8 Days Of Chanukah: A MiscellaneousSoup Challenge!


Chanukah is arriving! On Tuesday, the eight days of Chanukah will begin. To celebrate, I’m going to get back into the blogging spirit by posting every day! Will I cheat and make some posts ahead of time? Absolutely! Will I manage to make the goal? Most likely not! Will I have fun? …Yes? Will people actually read these? Excuse me, I need to go and laugh. No, they won’t.

Anyway, I’m going to make this interesting and challenge myself. Right here, I’m going to list what I want to do! This will give me an incentive to get everything done on time. After all, if I know what I want to do, that might make it slightly easier! So, here we go!

Day One: Who likes song parodies? I do! We’ll return to a classic segment on the blog! I’ll parody a song that I like and make it Chanukah-themed! What song will it be? Wait and find out!

Day Two: Zarion Kreena will be unchained to write a special, highly satirical holiday report on his odd Chanukah traditions!

Day Three: I like books. I’ll review a Chanukah book!

Day Four: This might be cheating, but it’s out of convenience. Shabbat starts at sundown, so I’ll post a link to a Chanukah-themed video on YouTube. It helps because I’m might not have a lot of time.

Day Five: Even though Shabbat will end at 5:52 pm and I might not have a lot of time to write something, I’ll write a little Chanukah story! I promise that it will contain none of my trademark morbid humor. This will be little-kid friendly.

Day Six: I’ll review a Chanukah-themed television episode, if I can find one.

Day Seven: I’ll write a Three Stooges-themed comedy sketch about Chanukah!

Day Eight: I’ll reminisce about a Chanukah memory. Which one? I don’t know!

Can I accomplish this? Most likely not. Tune in to see if I can! Have an excellent day!

Miscellaneous Soup Throughout The Years: Reminiscing For Fun


I remember when I first made this blog. Actually, strictly speaking, i only remember the circumstances, not the time. Okay, one quick search later and Miscellaneous Soup first became real on November 8th, 2009. I was at a Bigby’s with Dad. If I remember correctly, he mentioned blogs. I asked if I could start one, he agreed, and this was created. Here is an approximate timeline of the evolution of this blog.

Miscellaneous Soup, 2009-2010: A Baby

I would post random information about myself. Stories, fun trivia facts, inappropriately short posts that served no real purpose.

Miscellaneous Soup, 2011: The Toddler Years

I got more into posting random stories that I would make up on the spot, often with the help of my sister. I used Zarion as a pseudonym for “Internet Safety.”

Miscellaneous Soup, 2012-13: Morphing Into A Monster

I eventually took stories that I made up in my head and combined them with the blog, created a random series of things with no coherence. I was the only one who would get the joke. Definitely not optimal blogging if I want people to actually read this. As my sense of humor changed and I learned more about different forms of media, my sketches and jokes would change. One particularly shameful period was a sketch series about the recurring Aquaman characters. It was a blatant Simpsons ripoff. For a short period of time, I gave up blogging because I simply ran out of ideas. I simply felt that I was churning out whatever popped into my head in a bad way. Not the ‘Whee, I’m making random stories!” way, but the “Oh, no! I wanted to blog but I forgot! Here, I’ll make a random post with three sentences.” In essence, the quality went away, but the quantity remained, much like the Maximum Ride series or current episodes of Spongebob Squarepants. (ZING!) Also, I began doing poorly-written Saturday Night Live reviews, partially in character as two people, partially stream-of-consciousness, and mostly awful.

However, my creativity returned and I began blogging again. Last year, an English assignment revolved around creating a political blog. (zachgetspolitical.wordpress.com, if you feel so inclined to argue with me. Please don’t argue with me. I like happiness on the web, not senseless yelling. Well, unless it’s amusing. I’m getting off-topic.) I started making political posts and Miscellaneous Soup began anew. I shed the hidden inside jokes, recurring characters, and identity of Zarion Kreena. (Zarion is trapped in my basement, chained to the wall. Comment if you want him to return! ^_^) Instead, I started posting pictures of my face and actually revealing minor things about myself.

Inspired by Doug Walker (blip.tv/the-nostalgia-critic, assuming the URL is correct) I started doing book reviews, first of nostalgic books. Unfortunately, I panicked and stop doing them. Why? I set too many rules for myself and burned out. The Book Bag may return in time, but only if I really feel that I can do it.

Now, MiscellaneousSoup still has posts, when I remember to do so. (I need to remind myself somehow. Any ideas? Comment!) Even so, it continues to be what I initially promoted it as. A miscellaneous soup (TITLE DROP!!!) of whatever pops into my head. I will continue to post, because it is fun. Give me ideas, if you want to!

Still, the most important thing will always remain true. In the five years, two months, and six days that this blog has been alive, I still have no idea how to get the capital “I” away from my title. I’ve tried everything, darn it! I will forever be seen as a maker of typos by potential readers!

Have an excellent day, readers! Please, remind me to keep posting! Throw bricks through my window, comment, stalk me online, write poems!