Mysterio’s House of Horrors!
It all started with Tigerboy’s “Gadget Safety” lessons. Oops, I’m starting in the middle again. Well, that’s par for the course. Sorry, here’s the beginning.
Part One: T.F.T. (Training For Tigerboy)It was a beautifully sunny day, and everything was perfect. That is, except for one thing. Tigerboy was pretending to be a mad scientist. This was incredibly bad, because, even though Electrickid had warned him not to mess around with any inventions, Tigerboy just wouldn’t listen. During the “Mad Scientist” game, Tigerboy basically went into Electrickid’s lab and tried to figure out how the inventions worked, and what they did. One day, he found a weird machine with a little lightning bolt on it, and a sign that said, “Do not touch, or you will risk serious harm.” Tigerboy did what any self-respecting, curious, peson would do. He touched it.
SSSZZZCRACKLE! Apparently, the machine was an electricity generator. Over the next few days, Tigerboy kept finding inventions like these everywhere in Dreamyland. The soft pretzel shop, the bookstore, Steve’s Balls O’ Yarn/Steve’s String Shop, and even the local comic book shop. Finally, Tigerboy decided to ask Electrickid why he was making these weird(and painful) inventions.
“It’s simple, really.” Electrickid said. “I’m trying to get you to stop fiddling around with my gadgets.”
“Well, isn’t there anyway that I can fond out how they work?” Tigerboy asked.
“Actually,” Electrickid replied. “There is. You can be my I.A. (Inventions Assistant!)” And so, Tigerboy was cured of his tendency to fiddle around with inventions, and all was well. Or was it? You see, one of the inventions activated a teleportation device in the Marvel Universe. That, of course, led to consequences that no one, not even Electrickid could predict. Mysterio was coming to Dreamyland! (Cue lightning flashes, scary music, someone screaming, and a monkey eating a banana shaped like a mongoose.)
Part Two: The House In Dreamyland Is Neatly In The Street(and it’s not getting hit!) The next day, a distress call came over the Vidistress 5000. The Vidistress instantly showed a video of whatever was going on. Electrickid had made it, so the Superclub could stop crimes faster. Tigerboy was the first one to see it. “Hey, what’s this?” he said. Then, the rest of the Superclub saw it.
“This is unbelievable! Wow!” Boulderboy said. “There’s a giant house right in the middle of the street, and it’s not getting hit! The cars are just going right through it!”
“Let’s go investigate.” Switchboy replied.
When the Superclub got to the house, there was, well, nothing. No houses could be seen on the street at all. Then, a neon green light swept over the Superclub, and they vanished! The people in the cars could see that. What’s going on? (Be patient, Superclub fans. Soon, the action will begin!! ☺ ☺ ☹ ☺ )
The Superclub appeared in an ordinary-looking house. “What’s going on-AAAAAHHHHH!” Tigerboy’s sentence was cut off as twelve dozen spider popped up! Quickly, Tigerboy tried to run away, but as if by magic, five dozen spiders sprung up over there, too! After that, the spiders disappeared, but twenty-five ghosts surrounded the Superclub! Switchboy tried to turn one of the ghosts into something harmless, but the rainbow-colored beam evaporated! “Tigerboy!” Switchboy quickly said. “Plan Q!”
“Which one?” Tigerboy replied.
Quickly, Tigerboy pulled out the Magic Pencil, and started drawing a giant hole right underneath the Superclub. Then, they all fell down, into the dark abyss, so they could escape from the ghosts. “We should be safe down here.” Waterboy said.
“Uh, I think you should look at this.” Tigerboy said nervously.
“Hey, maybe we can somehow use the Portalrays.” Rubberboy said.
“I really think that you should look at this.” Tigerboy said.
“Well, no matter what,” Magmaboy said, “We should definitely be safe down here.”
“HEY!” Tigerboy said. “LOOK OVER HERE!!!” The rest of the Superclub looked. A bunch of eerie, green eyes were staring back at them. Da-da-DUM!!
Part Three: Finally.……Mysterio’s House of Horrors! While Tigerboy was slowly backing away from the neon green eyes, a trapdoor opened up, right underneath him! “Aaaaahhh!” he screamed. THUMP!! Tigerboy had landed in a long corridor lined with seemingly endless rows of identical brown doors. “Maybe one of these doors can help me find the rest of the Superclub. After all, if this is a fun house, then anything is possible.” HE picked the nearest door. HONK! HONK!!! CHUGGA-CHUGGA CHOO CHOO! Tigerboy quickly slammed the door shut, and backed away from the door just in case the train suddenly barreled out of it. “Hmm. I wonder what’s in this door.” Clash, bang, boom! CLATTER!!! “Oh, come on! A bunch of pots and pans?!” Suddenly, Tigerboy spotted a small pink door. “Oh, this door must be the right one. After all, it’s different from the other doors.” HONK, HONK!!! BOOM!!!!! “Why, me? Why, me?” Tigerboy moaned as he got out from under the ruined, passenger-less train. “Oh well. At least my special resistance saved me. At least the train didn’t have dynamite in it. That’s really annoying. Oh, yeah, bazookas are annoying, too. Especially sand-hammer bazookas.(See issue 3)” While Tigerboy was anxiously talking to himself, some very weird things were happening to the rest of the Superclub!
“It’s been at least five hours, but we still can’t find Tigerboy!” Rubberboy grumped. “This haunted house isn’t that big, is it?” Almost as if to answer his question, a map popped up. The map revealed…nothing. It was blank except for a message that said “This ‘haunted house’ is as big as infinity.”
“That was definitely weird. Do you think that this house is responding to our thoughts?” Rubberboy asked.
“Ha, ha, ha. Wherever did you get that ridiculous idea?” A piercing voice filled the room.
Quickly, the sensational Superclub tried to find the voices’s owner, but nobody was there. Then, the zombies came.
Part 3.5: Breaking The Fourth Wall 101- Taught by Professor Tigerboy Meanwhile, with the unfortunate Tigerboy.…… “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!” Tigerboy was being chased by an unusual assortment of creatures, including a snake with the head of a spider, a spider with the head of a bug, and a bug with the head of a snake. Did I mention that they were all 10 feet tall, at the minimum? Quickly, Tigerboy tried to run into a nearby sorridor, but it was a dead end! “Hey, did you have to say ‘dead’?” Tigerboy said, annoyed. WAIT!! STOP TALKING TO ME WHEN I’M NARRATING YOUR ADVENTURES! SHEESH, IT’S HARD ENOUGH WHEN I’M TRYING TO WRITE THIS ALL DOWN FROM A VIDEO TRANSCRIPT! HOW DID YOU MAKE A VIDEO, ANYWAY? AND WHEN DID YOU LEARN HOW TO BREAK THE FOURTH WALL??!! ALSO, WHY AM I YELLING!!!!!!!??????
“Trade secret, doc. Can you hurry it up a little? I really want to get to the Dance Dance Revolution part-” STOP REVEALING THE PLOT!!!!!!!
Anyway, Tigerboy suddenly had Han idea.
“Hey, I know what to do! I’ll just draw a giant hole with my magic pencil and jump out of here!” Having said that, he quickly leapt into the giant, magical hole and landed.……right on top of the weird creatures that were chasing him earlier?
“I knew that I should have called in sick today.” Tigerboy muttered as the monsters tied him up.
Nearby, the rest of the Superclub suddenly fell into another secret trap-door, and finally met the person behind all of this seemingly magical mystery….Mysterio!
Part 4: Death By Dancing!!!! “Hello, Superclub. It is a sure sign of your lesser intellect that you didn’t realize that it was me earlier. I somehow came to Dreamyland when a strange contraption sent me through time and space.”
“I knew that there was one machine that I had forgotten to disable.” Electrickid said.
“Quiet, you foolish blooperhero. Now, I shall dispose of you as only Mysterio can!” Quickly, he pulled back a curtain to reveal some Dance Dance Revolution games and some headsets.
“Dance Dance Revolution?” Tigerboy said. “Isn’t that kind of, well, goofy? Judging from the Spider-Man comics, this isn’t your style at all.”
“Look, will you just get into the machines already? Do I really have to use the robots?” Mysterio pulled a nearby lever that was on the wall, and several “CaptureBots” forcibly dumped the Superclub into an unbreakable glass cage with the Dance Dance Revolution games.
“Oh, and in response to your insipid question-” Mysterio’s voice slowly turned into a sneer. “This is rather childish and stupid, because I borrowed from the Joker of Universe Z.M.K.S.’s Brillium Quantum Dance Contest of Death, otherwise know as the U.’s Z.M.K.S.’s B.Q.D.C.O.D. You will be forced to dance in these contraptions for however long you can last, and when the last person standing stops dancing- YOU WILL BE VAPORIZED!!! Mwuahahaha! Oh, and you will be shocked with energy blasts every 30 seconds. Now, dance!” And with that, he turned on the deadly invention!!!
Part 5: Death By Dancing(For Real This Time) Hurriedly, the sensational Superclub did every type of dance that they could think of-staying on the arrows, of course. By far, Rubberboy was the best dancer of them all, due to his amazing ability to stretch himself into different shapes. The second best dancer might be Tigerboy, but nobody’s sure about that. Hey, if you did an excellent robot dance while in Robot Tiger form, would it still count? Hmmm? Anyway, so far everyone has dropped out of the contest, except for Tigerboy and Rubberboy. Just then, a particularly fierce bolt of energy made Rubberboy stop dancing. (You would also stop dancing of a bolt of energy hit you in the head, don’t try to deny it!) Now, it was up to Tigerboy.
“Speed round!” Mysterio suddenly exclaimed. “And you’ll be eliminated if you turn into Speedy Tiger!” While in Robot Tiger form, Tigerboy started to dance as fast as he could in the aforementioned form! Sparks were flying, the machine was counting the points as fast as it could, more spark were flying, more numbers were being counted down, even more sparks were flying, even more numbers were being counted, a ridiculous amount of sparks were flying, a ridiculous amount of numbers were being counted, sparks, numbers, sparks, nparks, sumbers, parks, Hummers, ponies, pants, Miscellaneous, Soup’s, blog, by, Zarion, Kreena, is, good, (“Hey, hurry it up, Narrator!” Tigerboy shouted. “I think I’m starting to melt! Also, who put those words about someone’s blog in there?” Well, Tigerboy. It’s because Zarion Kreena is trying to put in a signal for help. His blog has been taken over by his evil duplicate, Karion. “Oh, Zarion! Hey, I’ve been a contestant on some of his game shows! The very first one, in fact. Okay, you can finish the tale now. I can’t stand one more page of melting and sparking!” Sheesh. I’m going as fast as I can. Okay, who wants me to slow down? <We do!!!!!!> Oh. Stupid editors.) Anyway, the dance machine suddenly exploded from the fleetness of Tigerboy’s dancing, a net sprang out, and Mysterio was captured. Then, because Mysterio was captured, the “haunted house” disappeared, and the Superclub found themselves in the same alley, Mysterio was sent back to the Marvel Comics universe, and all was well.
OR WAS IT???!!!
You see, the Superclub had forgotten to destroy the machine. Will it return, or will some other dastardly villain use it? Stay tuned! (Cough, cough! Issue 16!!! ☺ Cough, cough! Hack, hack! Giddyup, Little Slicer!! Hack, hack! ☺)
Wait, wait! This isn’t over yet! This tale is themed around an unimportant holiday that I call HALLOWEEN!!!!!!! Here’s three Halloween bonuses!
Appendix/Bonus 1: The Structure of.…… The Superclub’s Annual Halloween PArty
1. Find incredibly scary movie to watch.
2. Make popcorn. (A lot of it, because, well, I’ll explain it in an analogy. Electrickid is to popcorn as Tigerboy is to pretzels. To put in layman’s terms, Electrickid LOVES popcorn.)
3. Tell Tigerboy about the scary movie.
4. Try to catch Tigerboy, as he runs away screaming, “You’ll never take me alive, coppers!”
5. Lure Tigerboy out of his hiding spot with some pretzels and a giant fan.
6. With Tigerboy in a tiny(3 cm long) kitty cage(VERY IMPORTANT THAT YOU HIDE THE KEY), watch the movie. *Note: Put a magic bag of pretzels in there, that will never run out, and earmuffs for the scary parts.
7. Turn the Superclub’s clubhouse into a scary, spooky, haunted house.
8. Repeat steps 3-6, only with the haunted house.
Appendix/Bonus 2: A message from Tigerboy. “HHHEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!! GET ME OUT OF HERE!!!!! THERE’S MONSTERS IN THE MOVIE!!!! CAN YOU HEAR ME???!! IF ANYONE CAN HELP ME WITH THIS, I’LL BE ETERNALLY GRATEFUL!!!!!”
Appendix/Bonus 3: Another message from Tigerboy. “YYYYYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!! NOW THEY’RE DOING THE HAUNTED HOUSE!!! SAVE ME!!!!!”
THE END(for real this time)
Next Issue: Superclub, Super-Babies, Super Fun!! The Spectacular Super-Babies! Not the Superclub turned into babies, but apparently they are related to Zarion Kreena, who has escaped from his cage. But, I digress. Basically, the Superclub and Super-Babies are teaming up to stop Mr. Mean-Macaroni and his sidekick-Rose Giant! You DO NOT want to miss this issue!!!!