Green Thumb’s Column: Valentine’s Day

As you know, I have started up my new and improved column again. Send me your questions/topics, and I will answer them as clearly as I can. For now, I shall offer my opinion on the red heart holiday.

I love it!

This year, a secret admirer gave me 20,000 valentines, a rose, and a can of liquid pretzels to ward off Tigerboy. He’s still mad at me for insulting him. For more on that, see the most recent blog post.  You do realize that you sent those valentines to yourself last year, you stole the  rose from someone’s trash, and the bug spray actually is a real valentine. Try it. Okay. (PPPPSSSSHHHHHHHH-ZZZZAAAAPPPPPP!) Liquid electricity. How clever. You, Tigerboy, are the master of tricks, but I WILL get you back! I’ll believe that when Uncle Ponypants gets a job. Hey,  everybody, guess what? I got a job at the local car wash! I’m the Chief Executive Assistant of Guarding the Parking Lot. That’s just a trick to get you to pay them money. It’s in your contract. Hey! Are you forgetting who’s column this is? Are you? Get out of here! I’m running out of time! Zarion gave me a limited amount of time to do this blog! I need to at least end with an inspiring-


Automatic: Zarion out.


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