Are you a bored, tired chicken? Do you have trouble laying your eggs? Do you look like this poor slob?
Then, you need Doctor Van Ponypants’s new, INCREDIBLE machine.
The machine consists of a giant, robotic, android fist pounding the test subject in order to force the unwilling egg out.
And, as a bonus, you get two GIANT FEET!!
Just call 1-800-Chicken-Squasher today! (Buyers Beware: If you cannot find this number, check in the Yellow Pages under the section called This Is Not Real.