Zarion: It’s the moment you’ve all been waiting for! The reviews will be made in the commercials, and I’ll post this after the good-nights! I grade on an A-F- scale (or lower, depending on the quality), and I’m a harsh reviewer. Watch out, McFarlane! I’m coming for you! If this episode is racist, dirty, vile, or crude (COUGH, COUGH TED COUGH, COUGH ), then I’m blaming you. Revenge is nigh!
Cold Opening: “Democratic Rally- Toledo, Ohio”. Jay Pharoah is AWESOME!!! “Uhh..uhhhh…uhh” He is much better than Fred Armisen!!! Taram Killam is excellent as Paul Ryan! “I’m just terrible with numbers! Let’s talk budget!” Mitt Romney….”Sorry I didn’t know all the animal noises!” Mitt Romney and Barack Obama singing…..EPICLY HUMOROUS!!!!! A +
Opening: Cool! They changed it! Neon lettering and new cast members! N/A for Grading
Monologue: Seth McFarlane begging for a date with Farrah Fawcet. Funny, even I don’t know who she is. Ted and Family Guy are mentioned, and he imitates Ted and someone called Stewie, whoever that is. Also, a third person who sounds like a Jimmy Fallom character. Points taken OFF. A song about voices in your head, funny. Mentions of Ted and Family Guy AGAIN…Bad…I think they just did a dirty joke…Badder. Imitation of Droppy from Tom & Jerry…Impressive. Impression of someone who sounds like Gonzo. (The Muppet) Kermit the Frog voice combined with an anti-Semetic joke. They cancel each other out. This guy’s an impressive singer. C- Update: He was imitating all the Family Guy people. Once again, thank you Wikipedia. REVISED GRADE: D
Mitt Romney Attack Ad: Funny quotes, realistic style, mean quote…Kenan Thompson is hilarious. Herpes reference..Sad. B-
Sex After 50: Fred Armisen makes me laugh, but not now. I don’t like this sketch. I don’t want to review this. I’m disgusted…Pl!ease, make this stop!!! I’m just going to read a Spider-Man book now. Maybe I can review that instead. Venom appears, as well as the Lizard. It’s a trilogy book series. I really hate this sketch. Wait. it’s ending! F–
Clint Eastwood and Chair: “Why don’t you shut up?” “You go first!” “Jinx!” “You say potato….*holds the microphone to the chair*. A
Lids: A weird hat store. What the heck is going on????? Someone is dancing….music, lights, smoke machine…I sense a cameo. Is this racist? Joke about hanging someone…That’s horrible. For the third time, dancing. Someone makes a cameo. No idea who….I really hate this. UDATE: Thanks to Wikipedia, I now know who cameod. Psy, a rapper, cameod along with Bobby Moynihan playing him.
Introduction to Puppetry: Man talking with his puppet. This looks good, so far. Bill Hader is funny. The puppets look like Muppets. Flamethrowers….Once again, Kenan Thompsons and Vanessa Bayer are funny. “Many people say OMG. I was saying TTYL to my innocence..” said Bill Hader’s puppet. Okay, Bill Hader is the star. Puppets acting out murder scenarios! Puppets kissing…Bill Hader is kissing the girl puppet…HILARIOUS! A++
Musical Performance #1: I like his guitar playing. I actually think that Frank Ocean is a good singer. I guess actually starting to review the music was a good idea. I actually like this. B+ Update: Frank Ocean was playing “Thinking About You.”
Weekend Update: Campaign plane…Funny. Innocence of Muslims..I thought that would be parodied. Yeah! Here Comes Honey Boo Boo parodied. Bobby Moynihan as the Mom, and Vanessa Bayer as the girl. Subtitles are appearing….HAHAHAHHA! Cat skeletons…classic. Green Lantern was mocked. YAY! Good Sportscenter joke. Is that the real Ryan Lochte, or Seth McFarlane. Either way, it’s funny. He sounds like Drunk Girl, a character from the Jimmy Fallon and Tina Fey era of Weekend Update Anchors. “Those are commercials…” Wait, self-promotion. That’s Seth McFarlane. Walnutm powered farm..Where do they get these stories?? Blechh, a dirty joke. Jay Pharoah and Nasim Pedrad making an appearance to talk about the Latino vote in the election. I’m confused. Okay, I Googled Mimi Morales, so I think it’s not a cameo, because the person on Weekend Update doesn’t look like her. Jay Pharoah’s “I’m scared” face is funny. Okay, the sketch is over. B-.
Army Training Camp: Okay, Seth McFarlane is funny in this sketch. The ‘do I stutter’ joke is wearing thin. Oh, that’s the whole premise. Hey, is that new cast member Tim Robinson? Kenan Thompson is funny. Singing to stop stuttering….Should I laugh or feel offended? Okay, it’s happening again. I choose to feel….Three times. The soldier is stuttering. Fourth time. I’m offended now. Fifth time. Army soldiers repeating the stutter,…..should I laugh? I’m just going to choose to feel offended, but the singing part is funny, because Bobby Moynihan is funny. D+
Steve Harvey Morning Show: Hooray for Kenan Thompson! Ha, ha! A marmoset was called a “pocket monkey!” This is funny. Seth McFarlane has the same mustache as Steve Harvey! Was that an insult to Iranians? Ew, dirty joke. Kenan Thompson’s “Mustache Smile” is funny. I’m confused by that sketch. C-. It would be lower, but I like Kenan Thompson.
Imitations on A Blind Date: Kenan Thompson again. Yay! Tom Brokaw impression. Sounds like Chris Parnell’s. I like this sketch. “This needs to stop.” Kenan Thompson. Wait, racist joke. Bad. Cecily Stron appears! This could be the start for the next Kristen Wiig! I think this was an offensive joke with Bill Hader, as Gale the waiter. Robber. Funny. Boo! More self promotion, with a Family Guy reference! B, because of the Tom Brokaw impression.
Musical Performance the Second: I like the music. No offense to the singers, but I’m not really paying attention to the lyrics. John Mayer is doing a good job on the guitar.
Wooden Spoon Warehouse: Dirty joke. Weird voices. Dirty joke. I’m confused. I’m watching this again. This seems offensive somehow. This is not funny. I just don’t like this. “The river what took my son..” That’s sad. Bad for a final sketch. F
Goodnights: Good. I know everyone who cameod. Let me list them, just for fun: John Mayer and Psy.
Closing Comments: I was right. Ted and Family Guy were mentioned. Jay Pharoah was Barack Obama. Taram Killam was Paul Ryan. Racist jokes were made. Aidy Bryant and Tim Robinson. At least, I’m 55% sure it was Tim Robinson. I don’t know if Cecily Strong appeared. Oh, and crude jokes were made. Forgot that. Sorry. Also, I may have confused Vanessa Bayer with Kate McKinnon, so, if I turn out to be wrong about the cast, then I apologize. Finally, sorry if my review rambles, I was writing it while I was watching the episode. Wait! THe self-promotion. I hated that.
Best Commercial Parody: Clint Eastwood and Chair. It was really funny.
Worst Commercial Parody: Well, there was only two, so the attack against Mitt Romney by default.
Best Sketch: Introduction to Puppetry. That’s probably on Hulu right now. Wait, not yet. Oh well. Maybe tomorrow.
Worst Sketch: Sex After 50. ‘Nuff said. Also, tied with Wooden Spoon Warehouse and Lids. Those two were awful.
Well, good night and have a pleasant tomorrow. This has been Zarion Kreena, with helpful assistance from Silicon Kreena. Comment if you want me to do this again next week. Just a warning: If I do, it will most likely not be live. Zarion out.