Cold Opening: C-Span-YEAHHHH!!! JAY PHAROAH AS BARACK OBAMA AND C-SPAN!!!!!!!!! “This isn’t your mother’s C-Span. It’s your grandma’s.” This is good. “I was a vice president for Bank of America.” “There you go! Free brick!” “Oh, I don’t sell computers. I sell the actual fruits. I sell them to immigrants and the occasional mule. “I chase racoons out of foreclosed homes.” “Yeah, sometimes I eat them raccoons.” Bill Hader is funny! “Can we at least agree that Mitt Romney would be worse?” Everyone starts clapping.
Weekend Update: Funny sports jokes.”Who do we know who’s definitely free on Yom Kippur?” Yay! Fred Armisen! Offensive jokes. Bad. REALLY offensive joke to Seth Meyers. “Uhhhhh..I hate translating for this guy.” “That’s literally what Dr. Evil does in Austin Powers.” Offensive joke. “I told him he won Time’s Man of the Year.”
Part 2: Weekend Update: Okay..there’s a commercial break. I hope that Stefon appears. Eww…dirty joke about Kanye West. Funny dental joke. COol! Reference to J.K. Rowling’s new book! I’ll read it even though it’s for adults. Yay, Kenan Thompson! He’s really funny. “They paid us in costume jewellery. Funny joke about a stunt and someone assaulting someone with a hammer. Yay! “That girl you wish you hadn’t started a conversation with at a party.” I sense a recurring character for Cecily Strong. This character reminds me of Drunk Girl. “You need to wake up, Seth. We’re talking over a million a year.” “A million what?” If next week’s episode is as good as this, then I’m going to be pleased. Yay! An insult to Domino’s! Funny joke. “But it should be noted that the only other food in the poll was wet Ritz crackers.” Funny joke about meth smugglers, of all things.
Part 3: Replacement Refs: This is hilarious. Hey, I see Aidy Bryant. Bill Hader is funny. Wait, this possibly means no Stefon. Oh, well. I hope this is a recurring sketch. “Oh, no, I’m not dead. Also, it’s 4:30.” Wait, it’s over.
Part Four: Goodnights: It’s over. Oh, well. An excellent episode!