Zarion: Hi…I am really tired right now…I accidentally fell asleep….Well, this SNL should be good. I am concerned, though, that this will be as bad as the Seth McFarlane one, though, because I looked up Louis’s show and it seems offensive.
Tigerboy: Scratch that. It IS offensive. Anyway, Stick around for all your SNL reviews! Zarion will describe the sketches and rate them, while I describe them.
Zarion: I predict that some people may cameo, potentially almost as much as when Jimmy Fallon hosted the Christmas show last year. After all, people want to cheer up, after the horrific Hurricane Sandy. I hope that every single person who had to suffer through it will end up with a safe, secure, and comfortable place to live.
Tigerboy: No joke there. Now, this opener is over, and there’s two hours and twenty-three minutes until it’s time to watch the episode. What to do?
Zarion: Stop filming and transcripting this, and make a new thing reviewing “The Casual Vacancy?”
Tigerboy: Exactly. Stick around, we’ll be right back! We have a great review for you tonight! And, don’t forget, today/tomorrow is Daylight Saving’s Time! it’s NOT Daylight’s Changing Time! Remember to change your clocks!
Host: Louis C.K.
Why He’s Hosting: His show, Louis, presumably. I looked up the show, and it seems racist and inappropriate.
Musical Guest: fun (Not a typo)
Why They’re Playing: A new album, I believe.
Cold Opening- “A Message From New York Mayor, Michael Bloomberg”- Yes, a Hurricane Sandy reference. The person standing next to him is funny. Oh, she’s a sign language translator. I could have sworn that this would be a debate-themed cold opening, but oh well. She;s miming a headache, being arrested…..Wow, she’s really funny. Floating down the Hudson River….Hey, it’s Bobby Moynihan playing the governor! His translator is also funny! Swear word. Bad. “I’m going to come rescue you, and then I’m going to beat you to death! That’s the Jersey Way!” “I’ll be a good soldier, I’ll vote for Romey, but I’ll HATE IT!!!!” Hilarious. Subtitles….’No Facebook. No HBO. They can not watch ‘Homeland.'” HAHAHA! I don’t even know what Homeland is. That was short, but good. A-
-Tigerboy’s Description: Mayor Michael Bloomberg and Governor Chris Christie have some words on Hurricane Sandy.
Monologue: Given the cold opening, I have high hopes for this. Then again, that’s what I thought for the Seth McFarlane one. Gulp…Hurricane reference. Funny. “We went from zero electricity to criminal amounts of electricity.” HEY! A joke about someone falling down at the airport! That’s what happened to my grandma! BOOOOOOO! I don’t like this. My grandma fell over, and had to have stitches in her mouth. I do not like this. I expected something bad, because I researched Louis C.K., but I didn’t expect this. His imitation of her voice is really offensive. I know that this didn’t really happen, but I’m still offended. Why, SNL writers, why??? HEY!!!! My grandma’s husband died when I was a toddler! It seems like this guy specifically looked up my life, in order to offend me. OKay, that’s ridiculous. I’m paranoid. Gypsy finger???? That’s racist! I don’t like you, Louis C.K. You have attained ‘Seth McFarlane’ status! Why do comedians have to be dirty?? Ewww…..dirty jokes! SHUT UP!!!!! It’s bad enough that Bill Hader works on South Park! My cousin told me that. Good, it’s over. F To Infinity And Beyond
-Tigerboy’s Description: Louis C.K. is offensive.
Fox And Friends: Okay, this should be good. MESSAGE: I’m going to attempt to include the ‘mistakes’ after the episode ends. Yay! Donald Trump! Haha! The person ran his car into the Hudson River! The Riddler? I’m confused. I like how Saturday Night Live exaggerates things, like Fox’s bashing of Barack Obama. NOTE: THAT WAS NOT MEANT TO OFFEND DEMOCRATS OR REPUBLICANS. Aids reference. Weird. Pirahans with aids? Weird. “Just wrap it in a towel, and squeeze it like a tube of toothpaste.’ Bad advice for when you have to walk your dog. HA! The Fox reporter can generate static electricity from his fingers. “…..dunk cookies in my shampoo..” Bobby Moynihan is funny today. Yup, the facts. I’ll type them all later. Don’t worry. B+
Tigerboy’s Description: Fox accuses Barack Obama of causing the hurricane.
Abraham Lincoln: Okay, a bar. Kenan Thompson and Louis C.K. I’m confused. Oh, this takes place in the 1800s. Swear word. Bad. This seems racist. Hey, Abraham Lincoln is coming. Is this a TV show parody? Wait….based on my research….This is a parody of Louis C.K.’s show. Swear words. Bad. I really don’t like this. Rude word. Bad. Hey, Aidy Bryant! “I just know, I’m totally getting murdered.” I really don’t like this. Sadly, the ones I really dislike, get reran the most often. For example, here’s some things from this season and last season. Lindsey Lohan. Seth McFarlane. WIll Ferrell. (The last 3/4 of it was bad.)
-Tigerboy’s Description: Abraham Lincoln makes a comedy show.
Australian Screen Legends: I like Fred Armisen’s Australian accent. Okay, a movie parody. So far, I don’t know why this is funny. Ewww…I think they’re doing dirty jokes. I don’t like that. This is offensive to Australians. “Well, she’s a goner.” Then they hand out beer. Mildly funny. I think this next one is a parody of a different movie that I’ve read about in Bathroom Readers. This is dirty. F
-Tigerboy’s Description: Dirty Australian movies are shown.
Musical Performance the First: WOW, his voice is annoying. I like the lights. The piano playing is good, I guess. I think I’ve heard this on the radio before. Let’s see, the song is called ‘Some Nights.’ When the singer clears his throat, it’s really annoying. Apparentally, the ‘f bomb’ is later in the song. Either they will say it uncensored, the people in my town will cut to a commerical, or they’ll replace it. Great, he’s doing autotune. At least I think that’s what it’s called. The thing Kanye West uses. (I only know that from Mad Magazine, by the way.) That was bad. D-
**NOTE: The political ads I’m seeing in the commercials are ridiculous.
Weekend Update: “Reunite with loved ones” and a picture of someone hugging an iPad. Ha. Mitt Romney losing his power. Insults to the Subway. Hey, I read about the rats. Haha! A picture of someone on a giant rat! “……So far swaying a total of one voter.” Funny insult to political ads. HEY, MITT ROMNEY….The fake one. Come on, Mitt! Actually, appear in person! It might sway voters. Yup, he’s bringing up the first debate. “The president (unintelligible)….stinkerooni.” Cool. A woman who has changed her name to James Bond movies. JOke about Jerry Sandusky. Confusing joke about New Zealand. I don’t get it. YAY! Aidy Bryant! I sense a recurring character. Ewww…Ewwwwww…..Huh? Ewww….Ewww….Ewwwww…….Okay, I thought this would be better. ‘Obama = Poop?” That’s just mean. “Vegetables suck and ice cream rules.” Joe Biden……Okay, this is mean, but sadly true. People are cruel on the Internet. “Yes, said the home’s owner, a colonial accident.’ HEY! The talking elephant! “But it’s suspicious that the five words are ‘help, this elephant swallowed me!” HEY! I was right! That girl you wish you hadn’t gotten into a conversation with at a party has appeared again. This is a good time for Aidy Bryant and Cecily Strong. They’re becoming stars. Now, TGYWYHGIACWAAP (see above) has become a recurring character. “You need to put myself in their shoes.” She’s really random. “See? You were both wrong.” Yay! A serious note on helping people for the Red Cross! That’s what they did for Haiti and Hurricane Katrina, I believe. Okay, the segment is over. C
-Tigerboy’s Description: Seth Meyers makes jokes, talks with Mitt Romney, That Girl You Shouldn’t Have Talked To At That Party, Courtney (I forgot her last name, sorry), and makes a request to help people who were hurt in Hurricane Sandy.
Mountain Pass: Okay…I feel like I’ve heard this music before. Who’s Zog? I keep expecting The Falconer to appear. (He’s an old Will FOrte character.) Ha. They’re complaining about the noise from the horn. Okay, this is mildly funny. “Zog? Is that even a real name? I’m Norn.” Bill Hader is funny. Oh, great. More jokes about grandmothers falling down. Eh. Predictable ending. C
Tigerboy’s Description: Zog??? Zog????? Where are you????
Hotel Check-Out: Okay, this should be good. Once again, Bobby Moynihan. I don’t see why this is funny. Six diamonds? Weird hotel charges. Okay, a safe fee? He pronounced the word “potato” in a humorous way. They charge for complimentary toothbrushes and argon? Taxidermied cats??? This could be better. C
-Tigerboy’s Description: SOmeone has weird fees after checking out from a hotel.
Musical Performance The Second: Okay, his voice is less annoying. I like the beat. THey’re playing “Carry On.” The lyrics are clean. Good. Annoying autotune. C
Beer Goggling At Donelly’s Bar: Confusing joke. I don’t like this. She had candy corn for lunch. Funny. I like candy corn. Was that a swear word? I didn’t catch that. She’s awaiting trial? That’s funny. Ewww..dirty joke. Ewwww……Ewww….The woman reminds me of Amy Poehler. Kenan Thompson’s face is funny. I added the ‘Beer Goggling’ part to the title for three reasons. 1. Beer goggling means to find someone attractive after drinking. 2. I saw it on Mythbusters. 3. They made a joke about beer-goggling. Ewww…..multiple dirty jokes. That was bad. F
-Tigerboy’s Description: Love is found at a bar.
Goodnights: Yes, as I thought, no one cameod.
Best Sketch: Cold Opening
Worst Sketch: The whole of, or part of, everything else.
Best Commercial Parody: No commercial parodies
Worst Commercial Parody: No commercial parodies
Closing Thoughts: So..no politicians decided to make a cameo on Saturday Night Live to appeal to voters. Mistake or not? This could have been much better, and what’s up with the lack of a parody of the debate? Weekend Update had ample fodder with Governor Christies’s announcement about trick-or-treating and the moderator’s ‘Osama Bin Laden’ flub at the debate, but they chose not to use it. Cecily Strong has her first recurring character of “That Girl” and now it looks as if Aidy Bryant will have her first recurring character, as Kourtney Barnes, a social media expert who only shows rude comments. Sigghhhh….Let’s hope her other potential new characters are more appropriate. And now, as I promised, the entire list of the mistakes that the fact-checkers at Fox and Friends caught:
1. Transitions lenses do not reverse the gender of your eyes.
2. Sandy Duncan did not “sponsor” the hurricane.
3. There are many black people, not just one that is a master of disguise. (NOTE FROM ZARION: Miscellaneous Soup does not approve of racist jokes.)
4. Brian Kilmeade did not invent the term “smoke ’em if you got ’em.”
5. Not all pigs are born with human feet.
6. Angela Merkel is not the female version of Steve Urkel.
7. It is permissible to say the word “Mexican” on television.
8. There is no celebrity named Rape Romano. (NOTE FROM ZARION: Miscellaneous Soup does not approve of dirty jokes, either.)
9. Condoms work every day of the week. Not just Tuesdays. (NOTE FROM ZARION: See previous note.)
10. Trees do not have bones.
11. There are a finite number of people in China.
12. Burritos are not “male tacos.” (NOTE FROM ZARION: Huh? That’s just confusing.
13. The Constitution is a living document, but it cannot move around.
14. Chef Boyardee is not the Prime Minister of Italy. He is the Vice President.
15. Paul Ryan is not faster than a cheetah.
16. FEMA is not slang for female.
17. Many Hispanics own their own cars. (NOTE FROM ZARION: See first note.)
18. The Statue of Liberty was not a gift from Santa.
19. At no point has Dorf been the number one poller in the world.
20. Lance Armstrong did not trade a testicle for steroids. (NOTE FROM ZARION: Ewwww…..)
21. Michael J. Fox does not have “multiple sandwiches.”
22. Apple Maps is not a map showing where the apples are.
23. 8 is a multiple of 1.
24. Women’s vaginas are below their waists. (NOTE FROM ZARION: EWWWWWWWWWWWW)
25. “Kris Krostie” is not Chris Christie with his pants on backwards.
26. Afi Komen was never the U.N. Secretary General.
27. Haitian does not mean “half-Asian.”
28. Last Wednesday was Halloween. Not a “ghost invasion.”
29. Mr. Mel has never announced a preference for any religion over the other.
30. Chef Boyardee is not the Vice President of Italy. (NOTE FROM ZARION: Fact-checking the fact-checking? Funny!)