Zarion: Avengers Assemble!
Tigerboy: Welcome to another Saturday Night Live review!
Zarion: Now, Tigerboy, you’re a superhero, correct?
TIgerboy: Yes. I come from a parallel earth.
Zarion: Jeremy Renner recently played Hawkeye in Marvel’s The Avengers. What do you think about that fact that he’s hosting Saturday Night Live?
Tigerboy: Well, I think that I should be the one hosting. It’s time for a Miscellaneous Soup round-up! The things we do until Saturday Night Live starts,,,
Miscellaneous Soup Round-Up:
-Abilites: Shooting arrows
-More: ‘peak of human conditioning’ (Thanks, Wikipedia!), trained by Captain America, drives a ‘Sky Cycle.’ (Gag me!), trick arrows
Comments: Tigerboy: Oh, please! He’s Green Arrow, from DC Comics! Batman with less coolness! Face it, you got into the Justice League with a major amount of pity votes.
Zarion: Is that all?
Tigerboy: (thinks) No. You were a villain, and then a hero. You faced Iron Man? Really? Repulsor rays versus a bow and arrow. BZZZTTT! (mimes getting zapped) Oops, you’re dead. Also, you died a couple of times. Of course, so did Spider-Man. And Captain America. And Bucky. And Wolverine. And Deadpool. And me. Only alternate reality because of the Scarlet Witch saved you from a permanent death. You are pathetic.
Zarion: Guess what?
Zarion: We have Hawkeye here to roast you.
Tigerboy: Wait, this was a roast? NOOOOO! I had so much material!
-Powers: Healing factor, pulls things out of midair, extreme sense of humor.
-Abilities: Good at writing jokes (But does Zarion let him write posts? NOOO.),
Hawkeye: Yeah, you’re a Deadpool rip-off. Healing factor? Check. Sense of humor? Check. Constantly talks? Check. Obscure pop culture references? Check.
Tigerboy: As soon as I finish watching Scrubs, I’ll respond to that.
Hawkeye: Also, you’re a humanoid tiger and you’re what? Six inches tall? How did that happen to you?
Tigerboy: (stares into distance)
Hawkeye: We can’t see your flashbacks.
Tigerboy: I know. I was thinking of a way to say it without traumatizing anyone. It’s dark and disturbing/
Hawkeye: (looks guilty) I’m sorry…..(runs away)
(Car door slams, drives off.)
Tigerboy: As always, this was staged. We have a great show tonight! See you later! It’s reviewing time!
The Thing: You stealing my catchphrase, you Yancy Street punk?
Host: Jeremy Renner
Why He’s Hosting: ‘Anyone Can Host’ contest, Les Miserables, Marvel’s The Avengers
Musical Guest: Maroon Five (5)
Why They’re Playing: A new album.
Cold Opening- “Booknotes Presents Paula Broadwell”- Okay, I like C-Span this looks good. The Petreaus case. I saw that coming. Okay, this is dirty. I don;t like it. Ewww….Ewwww…EWWWWWW…..Everyone is leaving….Eww….One person is staying….Okay, one person is staying,….Ewwww….Please kill me…..Hmmm.The narrator said “Live from New York, it’s Saturday Night.” F
Tigerboy’s Description: Jeremy sings cut songs from his movies.
Tigerboy’s Description: Have a vacation at your house. It could be worse.
The Californians: B-
Tigerboy;s Description: A new member is coming to the Californians!
The Situation Room With Wolf Blitzer: B-
Tigerboy’s Description: The CIA director’s affair is parodied.
The Stand-Off: B+
Tigerboy’s Description: They are really desperate to win.
Musical Performance 1: “One More Time” is sung. B-
Weekend Update: B+
TIgerboy;s Description: Seth Meyers makes jokes, shows the winners and losers of the Petreaus affair, talks with Katt Williams, and the real Governor Chris Christie.
Marvel’s The Avengers: A
Tigerboy’s Description: In the midst of an alien battle, Hawkeye forgets his arrows.
Studio 8: B-
Tigerboy’s Description: An actor is annoying.
Musical Performance: ‘Daylight’ is performed. B-
MIdnight Snack: B-
Tigerboy’s Description: A weird, but slightly amusing, cartoon.
Coroner’s Report: A
Tigerboy’s Description: This guy is REALLY bad at identifying dead bodies.
Goodnights: JUst as I said. The real Chris Christie cameod. Adam Levine appeared in the pre-recorded “Stand-Off” sketch. Yup. Lorne MIchael’s birthday was mentioned.
Closing COmments: Sorry for this review. I deleted my notes. Maybe, next time, this will be better.
Best Sketch: Marvel’s The Avengers
Worst Sketch: Cold Opening
Overall Rating: B