(The set is simple. There’s two chairs, facing the audience. Zarion is on the chair on the left, Tigerboy is in the one on the right. They are both in turkey costumes.)
Zarion: As you know, Miscellaneous Soup likes to celebrate the holidays.
Tigerboy: Yes, it’s a tradition. Now, as you know, we always have Tyrone Turkey on the show-
(Audiences cheer loudly. Signs are help up that say “We Heart Tyrone” and “PETA Loves Miscellaneous Soup!”)
Tigeboy: Unfortunately, he won’t be here until this evening.
(Audience boos. Sticks and stones are thrown. One hits Tigerboy in the head.)
TIgerboy: Ow, my bones!
Zarion: Anyway, we want to share some anecdotes about Studio ZQ’s Thanksgiving traditions.
Tigerboy: That’s (winces) our studio. The name changes randomly.
Zarion: Everyone, from the Mail Room Operators, to the Death Trap Coordinators, loves to watch A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving and dress up as turkeys. For more fun, we’ve organized a get-together with a randomly selected TV show from this building. Announcer, can you tell us who they are?
Announcer: It’s Wacky Wanda’s Insane Hunters Show!
(Hunters instantly run into the building, filling up the stage.)
Tigerboy: Hey, my healing factor kicked him. No more broken bones!
(He gets shot 1,000 times.)
Tigerboy: (looks like swiss cheese)….I’ll be in the break room. ..Be back in a half an hour…(falls down, drags self off stage)
Zarion: (looks nervous as all the hunters circle around him, holding shotguns) Well, this isn’t good. I’ll see you later, hopefully. Now. it’s time for a new sketch.Enjoy….(gulps)
(Lights go off, turn on again. Now, everyone is gone. Lights turn off, turn on again. Two interns are in the chairs.)
And Now, A Q&A With Two Interns At Miscellaneous Soup
Intern 1: Hi. Wow, I never thought I would be on this show.
Intern 2: I have the box of questions, but I think that we should improvise a little. After all, Zarion is a little wrapped up right now.
(Screams are heard from backstage.)
Intern 1: Okay, question and answer time. Does anyone from the audience have any questions?
Guy in Audience: (stands up) Hi, my name is Bob. How are the interns treated?
Intern 2: Horribly. We were used as the test subjects in all the horrible game shows.
Intern 1: Especially Modeo.
Girl From Audience: I’m Amy. Who writes this dung? And, yes, I did say that. Miscellaneous Soup has no censors.
Intern 1: It is written by dying hobos and rejected Muppets.
Intern 2: As well as lucky Intern Supremes. Intern Supremes are interns, but they have cushier jobs. They don’t have to clean up the messes that Deadpool’s appearance caused, or buy new arrows for Hawkeye with my own money. Excuse me, THEIR own money.
Intern 1: At least we get a break when Zarion reviews Saturday Night Live.
Intern 2: Any more questions?
Bob: Where’s the bathroom?
Intern 1: Down the hall, first room on the left.
Intern 2:…Zarion’s going to kill us. We need to get our audience back! I know just how to do it!
Intern 1: How?
Intern 2: Remember what movie Zarion saw, around this time?
Intern 1: Oh, right! The Muppets! Are we going to hire them to come here?
Intern 2: No. We’re going to get jobs with them!
Intern 1: Yay!
(They leave the stage.)
Thanksgiving Song Parody: “What Makes You Eatable” (NO apologies to One Direction)
You’re in a pen
Don’t see my ax
Your head falls down as I drag you through the door
Do need a stove
And some oven mitts
Cooking you safely is tough
Everyone in the neighborhood can smell it
They want to eat you
Turkey you light up my plate like nobody else
The shade of golden brown makes me starved
But when you go in my stomach it’s clear to see
You don’t know you’re eatable
If only you ate what I ate
But that would be cannibalism
Right now I’m digesting you and I feel sleepy?
I don’t know
I know what the
I know what the Mythbusters said
Oh, come on
You got it wrong
Go to the Mythbusters fan board
Zarion: CUT! Who authorized this horrible song parody?
Head Writer: I believe it was those new interns.
Zarion: Does anyone know where they are?
Head Writer: They are with The Muppets.
Zarion: Darn. Okay, time for the next sketch.
- Zarion Kreena
- A dead elf
- Stephan Colbert
- Drunk Uncle
Finally, An Interview With Tyrone Turkey
Zarion: I am pleased to say that Tyrone Turkey is back.
(He looks through the door- and Tigerboy walks through.)
Tigerboy: I’m completely healed, and I’ve found Tyrone Turkey!
Tyrone: Hi, everyone. The last time I came here, I was attacked by sharks and potato chips.
Zarion: Yeah, but that was only because you refused to cooperate. Today, we have a special treat for you. You’re going to be in a game show!
Zarion Kreena: It’s time for our new game show, “Who’s That?” I describe someone, and you have to tell me who it is. Easy!
Tigerboy: This sounds simple.
Zarion: As you know, we always have a twist. For every wrong answer, you get an electric shock.
Tigerboy: Eh. Healing factor.
Zarion: First person. She recently appeared on Saturday Night Live.
Tyrone: Jan Hooks!
Tyrone: Season 18, episode twenty. Kevin Kline hosted.
Zarion: How long has it been since you watched SNL? No!
(Tyrone gets zapped.)
Tyrone: (smoking, feathers are singed.)
Tigerboy: Anne Hathaway!
Tyrone: Oh, that person who my old friend Shakespeare dated.
Zarion: How old are you?????
TYrone: I’ll never tell.
Zarion: Okay, round two. Name two people who have won the Nobel prize!
Tigerboy: Mo Yan and David J. Wineland!
Tyrone Turkey: Gabriel Lippman and J.J. Thomson!
(TYrone gets zapped.)
Zarion: Tigerboy, you are the winner of this round. Tyrone, get with the times. FInally, it is time for the lightning round. Tyrone! To win the contest, just name five people who were born in this century!
Tyrone: Shakespeare, Swedish Chef, Stan Lee, Martin Goodman, and Harry Donenfeld.
Zarion: Some of those people don’t even exist! You lose.
(Tyrone gets zapped for five minutes straight. When the smoke clears, a roasted turkey is sitting in the place where Tyrone was.)
Zarion: …Oops. Oh, well. Have a happy, healthy, and delicious Thanksgiving, everyone! Lastly, we have a special treat for you. Enjoy Adam Sandler’s Thanksgiving song!