Zarion: Well, MARTIN SHORT’S TIME HAS COME!!!!!!!!
TIgerboy: Zarion, that’s next week,
Zarion: Darn. Well, let’s get this started.
Host: Jamie Foxx, a singer.
Why He’s Hosting: Unknown.
Zarion: Wait, wait, wait. HOLD UP. Jamie Foxx….Jamie Foxx….HE’S GOING TO PLAY ELECTRO IN THE AMAZING SPIDER-MAN 2! I JUST GOT WAY MORE EXCITED ABOUT THIS EPISODE!!!!!!!!
Musical Guest: Ne-Yo
Why He’s Playing: A new album called R.E.D., I believe.
Cold Opening- “C-Span: Press Conference with John Boehner and Barack Obama” Yeah, some fiscal cliff and Jay Pharoah humor. “I mean, I won the election.” “Well, simply put, I felt sorry for this man.” Bill Hader is also funny. He looks sad. HAHAHAHA! “They’ve taken my milk and thrown it in the garbage.” The more bizaare the political jokes get, the more I like them! HAHAHHAHAHA! RUBBER SNAKE IN HIS DESK! They are excellent actors. “This man was pushed into the Congressional ladies’ bathroom….naked from the waist down.” Ew, dirty jokes. I get that they’re trying to make this sound like high school or college, and it’s hilarious. Burned-out warehouse??? NO PIZZA??? PELTED YOU WITH ROTTEN EGGS??? You poor person…..”You leave this poor, orange man alone.”
Tigerboy’s Description: After some bullying, Barack Obama agrees to the Republican’s fiscal cliff plan.
Monologue: Please, don’t be a musical monologue. Please, don’t be a musical monologue. Please, for the love of Miscellaneous Soup, don’t be a musical monologue. Please, NOOOOOO. Wow, everyone is excited. This looks good, so far. Who are the Nets? Okay, jerseys. Hmm..sports team? “How black is that?” I don’t understand. Okay, Django Unchained. I read about that. DId he just ruin the ending??? Hooray for President Obama! I don’t get it. Huh? That’s a really long name change. Is that Gangman Style? Or is it Mokiki And The Sloppy Swish? Great, singing. Chalk up another one. What is this, the fifth one? Happy early birthday! Dirty joke. Wait, who’s on stage? I’m confused. Okay, it was a person/band called 2 Chainz. D-
Tigerboy’s Description: Jamie Foxx talks about how black things are, and sings about what he wants for his birthday.
B*tch, Answer The Question: I refuse to review this. STOP SWEARING. STOP. This is horrible. F
Tigerboy’s Description: In this game show, you have to….I give up. How can I describe this without swearing? I don’t know what to say.
Michigan State Campus- J-Pop American Fun Time Now” NOOOOOO! I was hoping that they gave up on this sketch! It’s racist and annoying! Usually, I like Taran Killam and Vanessa Bayer. MAKE IT STOP!!!!!! “Am I un-teaching you things, I don’t get this.” Reference to Chanukah. This is racist and filthy. Traditional ninja star???? I want to turn this off, but I’m drawn to it, like a car wreck. Okay, Fred Armisen dressing as a girl? Sometimes good for a laugh, but not now. Now they’re talking about racism. END NOW. I HATE THIS SKETCH. It’s over, thank goodness. F
Tigerboy’s Description: This RACIST TALK SHOW talks with someone and IS NOT FUNNY. Hint, hint.
Alex Cross 2: Madea, Special Ops: Okay, this looks funny. Alex Cross, by James Patterson. I have never read it, but I like his Maximum Ride, Witch & Wizard, and Daniel X series. I’m confused. This is not funny. Make this stop…. Now there’s music. This will definitely not be on Hulu. F
Tigerboy’s Description: Weird fake movie trailer with Tyler Perry playing Madea and Alex Cross.
Musical Performance Number One: I like the music. Nice beat. Now, to use my bad singing-quality skills. He is doing a weird job. I am honestly not sure. SO, onto the lyrics. He’s singing “Let Me Love You.” The lyrics seem clean, but I don’t know. I’m just not feeling it. Hmmm….I listened for a couple of minutes, but I am honestly not sure. C-, for the beat, I guess.
Weekend Update: I’m really hoping that this will make the episode better. Stefon, maybe? He should appear in this episode, or the next. Bill Hader hasn’t been appearing, so maybe his Stefon makeup/costume is being put on. Marijuana jokes. I don’t get it. Cakes? Huh? Ewwww….SO far, my hopes are being dashed. Who’s that guy in the audience saying ‘Whoo?” HAHAHAHHA! Funny jokes about Barack Obama and Anderson Cooper. YAY, Mrs. Claus, played by Aidy Bryant!!!!!!! This is hilarious. Ewwww…dirty joke. EWWWWW…..EWWWWWWWWWWWw…..I thought this would be funny. STOP IT! Stop the madness! “So he pukes for a solid day….” “BUt, hooray, it’s every girl’s dream…A month of milk farts…” Ewwwwww……References to Lindsay Lohan. “He smells like reindeer urine, and his cholesterel is one million.” Dirty joke. HAHHA! Text message jokes. I knew they would parody that. “Chicken Sandusky..” EWWW. YAY! Chanukah! Offensive joke. Funny Starbucks joke? Funny YouTube joke. YAY! Twinkies! A Ding-Dong? HAHAHAHAHHA! HE IS HILARIOUS!!!!!!!!!! Okay, the episode might be saved. HAHAHA. Snack profiling? Swearing joke. Swear words. JOke about homeless people. Okay, my hopes are being trampled. POssible dirty joke, judging from other SNL sketches. People are singing along….That part may be taken off of Hulu. I am majorly confused. JAMES BOND YOGA???? Weird. Cool! “Meanwhile, I fell asleep in the middle of a haircut.” Funny. Insult to McDonald’s. Okay, it’s over. C-
Tigerboy’s Description: Seth Meyers makes jokes about the news, talks with Mrs. Claus about Santa, and a Ding-Dong about the ‘Twinkie” crisis
GAme Show Network-“Is It Dylan McDermott or Dylan Maroney” Another game show, about people seeing if it is Dylan McDermott or Dylan Maroney. I’m confused. WHo are those people???? I’m very confused. “Can you put a bigger space between the words?” Okay, now they are changing the words. Swear word reference. Bad. McDermott double? MY BRAIN! “You’re a sick man.” Okay, this is funny. This is definitely not as good as Celebrity Jeopardy. The host is really mean. Huh? Wait, is someone making a cameo? WIKIPEDIA! WIKIPEDIA! I do not understand this. Okay, it was Dermot Mulrooney who appeared. Apparently, the joke is that he looks like the other male co-star in New Girl…maybe not. D-
Tigerboy’s Description: Is it some celebrity or some other celebrity? NOBODY knows!
Marcus Banks-Tree Pimp: Was that a lawn gnome?? Ewwwww…..Okay, I don’t like this. This is not funny. I refuse to review this. Swear words. Bad. F———–
Tigerboy’s Description: I refuse to review this.
Maine Justice: Okay, a court case show. THis should be good, no sarcasm. Swear word. Bad. Jason Sudeikis is annoying me. Aidy Bryant appeared. Yay. She’s funny. Swear word. Bad. Swear word. Bad. Swear word. Bad. I find this offensive to my sensibilities, as well as the people of the good state of Maine. What is their obsession with alligators? Maybe I should Google “Maine alligators.” I sense another cameo. Who is it? Google time again. I think it’s Charlie Day. This all seems very offensive and racist. I don’t like this sketch. This episode is bad. Okay, I was right. It was Charlie Day. He did a good job in his episode, last season, and an ehhh-y time here.
Tigerboy’s Description: A court case in Maine.
Musical Performance Number Two: The beat is good, I guess. It sounds like he’s swearing. C
Swarovski Crystals: THeir voices are really whiner. Ewwww, dirty joke. This is a really bad sketch. This is really not funny. EWWWWW. She lost her foot???? Drug-dead???? “Then, I saw a Swarvoski crystal on my hand, and I thought ‘okay.'” I really don’t like this. EWWWWWWWWW. Please make this stop….F
Tigerboy’s Description: Bad commercial. I refuse to describe this.
Goodnights: Okay, I was right. Those people cameod.
Closing Comments: THis whole episode was either racist, dirty, offensive, or any combination of them, especially the monologue.
Best Sketch: “Press Conference With Jim Boehner and Barack Obama”
Worst Sketch: Everything else, except for individual jokes from Mrs. Clause and Seth Meyers.
Best Commercial Parody: Nothing.
Worst Commercial Parody: “Alex Cross 2 and “Swarovski Crystals.” Essentially, both of the commercial parodies were equally bad.
Overall Rating: D-