Sketch Comedy: Aquaman: Revenge of the Fish

(Scene: Aquaman is sitting on a chair, watching television.)

Mera, the AquaQueen: Dear, I think you’re using your fish too often. I know you have an all-powerful mental control over them, but you shouldn’t abuse it.

Aquaman: They like it.

(A fish swims up with a bag of chips on its back.)

Aquaman: Thanks, buddy.

Mera, the AquaQueen: How can you be sure if they like it??? After all, they can’t tell you to stop.

Aquaman: (grunts, starts eating potato chips) Hey, I might go to Red Lobster for dinner, later. Want to come with me?

Mera: (looks shocked, but dismisses it as a joke.) I bet you even control Topho, your pet octopus.

Aquaman: That’s ridiculous. I would never get force him to do menial labor for me.

(Scene changes to Topho, in a maid’s uniform, cleaning his room.)

Mera, the AquaQueen: (not convinced) Uh-huh.

(The doorbell rings. Superman, Wonder Woman, and Batman walk in.)

Superman: Hi, ‘Qua. The Justice League needs your help.

Batman: Black Manta is- What the???? Are you using that baby whale as a pillow?

Aquaman: He likes it.

Wonder Woman: He actually looks pretty sad.

Superman: This is one of the worst things you’ve ever done, and I faked my death in a battle with Doomsday.

Batman: Yeah, that was pretty awful.

Wonder Woman: Can’t you do anything without your fish?

Aquaman: I don’t know. They’re saving that for another sketch. I’m sorry, I can’t help you. I’m too busy. (continues channel-surfing)

Batman: I dare you to go one minute without controlling fish.

Wonder Woman: Any fish.

Aquaman: Are you saying that I can’t do anything for myself? (A school of fish lifts him out of his chair.) I’m disgusted with all of you! I AM A MEMBER OF THE JUSTICE LEAGUE!

Superman: Pity vote.

Batman: Token Atlantean.

Wonder Woman: I thought you were Namor.

Aquaman: That’s it. (He releases control of all of the fish in the sea.) Go free, my finny minions! Do whatever it is ugly things like you do.

(All the fish immediately surround Aquaman, as Superman, Batman, and Wonder Woman nervously back away.)

Aquaman: Hey, what are you doing? (uneasy) I thought you were my friends. (eel zaps him) AAGHHHHH! (A swordfish attacks him.) NOT THE FACE!

5 hours later….

(A tombstone is on the living room’s floor, in place of the easy chair. It reads: Aquaman, 1941 to 2012. Rest in pieces.)


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