Saturday Night Live News

February 16th, 2013

Host: Christopher Waltz

Why He’s Hosting: Most likely, his role in Django Unchained.

Musical Guest: The Alabama Shakes

Why They Are Playing: Not quite sure. Their song in Silver Linings Playbook, perhaps?

Prediction: Christopher Waltz played a bounty hunter in Django Unchained. The musical guests are from Alabama. Because of these two things, there will be uncomfortable racism jokes.


Saturday Night Live Review/Recap- Season 38, Episode 12-Adam Levine, Kendrick Lamar: FEATURING Jerry Seinfeld, Joe Biden’s Inaugural Bash, An SNL Digital Short, And A Musical Rumble!

Zarion: Hello, and welcome to another Saturday Night Live review. I make rambling reviews, then cohesive reviews.

Tigerboy: And I give descriptions.

Zarion: Please enjoy this episode, and review.

Tigerboy: I hope this is a good episode. Finally, Miscellaneous Soup would like to publicly make an announcement. People have lambasted the Verismo Starbucks commercial parody for being racist. We only gave it an “A”, because of the hilarious idea of an artificial intelligence in a coffee machine.

Host: Adam Levine

– Note: This is incredible. He made a cameo in the “Jeremy Renner/Maroon 5″ episode, notably in the prerecorded sketch “Stand Off” and the two musical performances. Wow. Now, he’s returning. He must have hypnotized Lorne Michaels. If he makes jokes about that in the hosting/promos, I called it.

Why He’s Hosting: Three possible reasons. 1) His record label, 222 Records. 2) He was in a movie that comes out this year, entitled Can A Song Save Your Life? 3) His job as a musician coach on NBC’s The Voice, aka The Great American Idol Rip-off. I predict jokes about that.

Musical Guest: Kendrick Lamar

Why He’s Playing: Again, two possible reasons. 1), his upcoming collaborative  album with J. Cole. 2). His newly-released album, good kid, m.A.A.d city.

Cold Opening- “Inauguration Night”

-“Rambling Guy”: Was that a cameo? Wow, right off the bat. Dream sequences? Cool! Kenan is Martin Luther King, Jr. Why is he talking about Beyonce? I’m confused. “And I care, why? #Jayz is one lucky man” “What’s up with Michelle’s bangs?” ‘Do you have any serious advice for me?” Magicians? One Direction? “Probably not, probably not.” “I’ve got to go visit Cornel West and tell them to take it down about 30 notches.” Yay, they broke the fourth wall! B-

-Regular Review: This could have been better. I was hoping for a sketch where Martin Luther King, Jr. insulted Barack Obama. Some funny points, but better things could have been done with the concept.

-Tigerboy’s Description: Barack Obama meets the ghost of Martin Luther King, Jr.


-“Rambling Guy”: PLEASE, no singing. PLEASE. Please!!!!!!!! He looks like Seth Meyers. Maroon 5 was mentioned. “Overreach and try acting.” Funny. Yup, the Voice was mentioned. ANDY SAMBERG!!! WOOOOOOOOOOO! “I could ask myself the same question.” “One of literally tens of jokes I could tell you.” “I was in over a hundred Digital Shorts as well as three live sketches.” He’s a bad singer. Wait, who’s that? Who just appeared? Why is she singing? Is she another judge? Wait, it’s Cameron Diaz. Blech. Why is she telling him to strip? Why is Andy Samberg also telling him to do that? I wonder if Samberg will appear in another sketch. WH’s that? JERRY SEINFELD!!!!!!!!!! WOOOO! He said it similar to how he said “Hello, Newman!” “Not as Jewish as your name…” Ewww…People should not strip on TV. SO MANY CAMEOS!!!!!!!! B

-Regular Review: I liked the majority of this, with a parody of The Voice. The lack of any singing was good. Samberg and Diaz telling Levine to strip did not make me laugh.

-Tigerboy’s Description:

Rosetta Stone :

-“Rambling Guy:” “Me gusta los Camerones”. “I’m learning Thai.”  ‘Ping ping ball!” ‘I need to speak with the American embassy.” C- (Updated, because someone told me why it was funny)

-Regular Review: This was, for the most part, confusing. After asking a friend, I realized what was going on.

-Tigerboy’s Description: People learn Thai to do dirty things. Not recommended for watching.

Gay Network- Circle Work With Tracy Allstar and Todd Anthony:

-“Rambling Guy”: Ew. Dirty joke. This seems like it might be offensive. Eww….It seems too much like a different sketch from last season, when Charles Barkley hosted. What does the phrase “beard” mean? This sketch is dirty. “This show is only four hours long.” Jason Sudeikis makes his first appearance in the episode. This seems like Seth McFarlane humor. I’m confused. What are they spelling? I think it’s a sentence. I’m confused. F

-Regular Review: The entire thing confused me.

-TIgerboy’s Description: Quote from the sketch, “gay people help their straight friends with problems.”

Sopranos Diaries: 

-“Rambling Guy”: Another commercial party. SOPRANOS DIARIES??? This looks funny. Wait…this is just stereotypical high school things said in Italian accents. I thought it was mob bosses in high school. “Should be just do another one?” I’m not laughing. This isn’t funny. “Shameful resucitation of an American classic.” D+

-Regular Review: As soon as I saw the title, I had a way different view of what was going to happen. The fake quotes were funny, but the sketch was not.

-Tigerboy’s Description: It’s the Sopranos- in high school!

New Haven Fire Department Fundraiser:

-“Rambling Guy”: Bill Hader’s voice in this sketch reminds me of Stefon. It reminds me of someone affected by helium. It’s impressive that he can do that. I can do weird voices, but not really like helium-affected voices. “Shun him! Shun him! Shun him!” Nancy Drew reference. “And you threw hot tea in my face.” Rude word. This is just annoying. His voice is now just annoying. His dancing looks like someone crying. His voice is grating on my nerves. Usually I like Bill Hader’s comedy, but not now. A dog is attacking him….Good dog, he was annoying. Attacking him was a good idea. Why are people laughing at his coat? He’s not leaving, he’s just moving, and pretending to shrink. F–

-Regular Review: Bill Hader’s voice annoyed me. Yeah, we get it, there’s a ‘drama queen’ at a fundraiser. The characters were interchangeable, and this could have easily happened in a yard sale, or a restuarant.

-Tigerboy’s Description: I don’t even know.

An SNL Digital Short- “You Only Live Once” 

-“Rambling Guy:” WOOOO! They’re back! Okay, people dancing. What’s going on? Okay. You Only Live Once. Titanium suits? This is catchy. I can’t really tell what they’re saying. “Hire a taster!” Furniture are killing machines? Who’s that? Is it Kendrick Lamar? He did say he wanted to be in a sketch. “YOLO. Say no no.” B+

-Regular Review: YEAH! They’re back, if only for this episode. I enjoyed the Digital Short. It made me laugh.

-Tigerboy’s Description: You only live once, so don’t take risks! Or was it DO take risks?

Musical Performance #1:

-“Rambling Guy”: Do I detect auto-tune? No, I do not. I like the voices. I also enjoy the percussion. I find the music. Okay. He is singing “Swimming Pool (Drank.)” The lyrics are very bad, and swear-filled. I looked it up. C-


Weekend Update:

-“Rambling Guy”: I hope Stefon appears. Yup, inaugural jokes. “One year anniversary of my girlfriend’s I had a weird dream” speech.” Funny Twitter joke. “Borrows money from you.” Oh..Ariana Huffington. I’ve never liked her appearing. Eww….This seems offensive to Europeans. “And no one hates women more than other women.” “Oprah and whoever Oprah likes.” “Seth, you sound stupid.” EWwww…..Cool! iPads, Zoons, baboons! “You’re still in Philadelphia.” Eww…..”Baristas do have the key to the safe.” Ray Louis? Okay, some football person. Yay, Kenan! “It’s just, I’ve never heard that song before.” “…to block out the sound of my own screams.” “I can’t get this paint off my face!” “It’s not a lake.” “No roads are closed to Ray Louis!” This segment is funny. “And then I’m going to ascend into heaven.” His dancing is amusing. Funny New York library joke. Funny Guy Fieri joke. No Stefon….Awww…Darn. B+

-Regular Review: Pretty good, for the most part. Kenan’s Ray Louis made me laugh, while Ariana Huffington annoyed me. I wonder what the people at the Huffington Post think about this recurring segment. The lack of Stefon was annoying.

-Tigerboy’s Description: Seth Meyers tells jokes, and talks with Ray Louis and Ariana Huffington.

Maroon 5/Train Musical Rumble:

-“Rambling Guy”: Okay, it looks like Adam Levine is playing himself. Who’s Train? This looks funny. “Drops of blood in the outer sphere….” “Or you WIIILLL be dead.” This looks funny. I HATE the song that’s playing right now. “Oh, no, look’s like they’re dancing.” Is that Gangnam Style? “Are you using that lady as a human shield?” “Are you dressing that old guy to look like you so I’ll fight him instead?” Who just came in? Is that a banjo? I like the banjo. Ewww…”You must remember where you left your chunky bracelets.” Bill Hader! “They say he’s legally insane.” “Doo ba doo ba do died.” “I don’t know where the blowfish are.” This sketch will not be on Hulu. A-

-Regular Review: This made me laugh, because it was bizarre.

-Tigerboy’s Description: Maroon 5 and Train get into a ‘musical rumble.’

MTV- Catfish, the TV Show: 

-“Rambling Guy”: I’m confused. What’s Catfish? “I believe that dogs have human souls.” I believe that about my dog. “Or any people who know him besides me.” It’s nice to see Aidy Bryant in a sketch. “No, Google.” “…is actually a cartoon house from The Jetsons.” “Is this reaction positive or negative? You can’t tell!” “No, I follow their trucks around, and take packages off of people’s doorsteps.” D-

-Regular Review: I didn’t like Me’s continuous use of his name. After I looked it up, the concept for this sketch  became slightly more clear. For a parody, this could have been better.

-Tigerboy’s Description: Not sure what happened. Sorry.

Musical Performance #2:

“Rambling Guy”: Let’s hope the lyrics are more appropriate. Once again, the relaxing feel of the music. Once again, the background voices, but not as annoying as when fun does it. Okay, he is singing “Poetic Justice.”, and the lyrics are dirty. C-

Janet And Adam:

-“Rambling Guy”: OKay, is this a CSI parody? “I look like E.T. when they dress him up like a lady.” This isn’t funny. I’m reminded too much of one of Horatio Sanz’s old characters, Carol. “90% of my diet is peach Snapple” I’m not laughing. Her pft noise is annoying. Wait…I think this was that sketch from the episode with Peyton Manning. The same character. Maybe not. Bobby Moynihan isn’t funny right now. Ewwww….D-

-Regular Review: Not funny

-Tigerboy’s Description: Adam Levine has a creepy meeting with a fan of his band.

Biden Bash: 

“Rambling Guy”: This looks good…Yay, Joe Biden! “Do you think you can jump higher than me?” “..kung fu exhibition…” “Neil Diamond….impersonator….of the year….” Was that the s word, uncensored? “Wait until I take the mike and let the GOP have it!” What kind of hat is he wearing? Was that a Cops reference? “What happens in Deleware?” B-



Goodnights: Yup, I was right; Cameron Diaz, Jerry Seinfeld, and Andy Samberg made cameos.

Closing Comments: This episode could have been better. The throwaway lines were better than the actual sketches themselves. It was nice to see a Digital Short again. It’s still stuck in my head….I’m going to watch it again.

Best Sketch: “Adam Levine/Train Musical Rumble”

Worst Sketch: New Haven Fire Department Fund Raiser

Worst Commercial Parody: Rosetta Stone

Best Commercial Parody: Bash

Overall Rating: C—–

Sketch Comedy: Dr. Soup-Van Hoffer, Psychiatrist To The (Fictional) Stars! Episode 2

Dr. Soup-Van Hoffer: Allo, everyone! Velcome to my show! To begin things, I will now reveal zhe results of our experiment with Zhuperman. He is dead.

(Audience is stunned. Silence.)

Dr. Soup-Van Hoffer: (laughs) You should have seen the looks on your faces! He is actually in a coma. Now, to introduce our new guest. Zay hello to the Superior Spider-Man!

Spider-Man: I don’t know what I am doing here, you obnoxious, quack, oddly-garbed buffoon. I am no different now than what I was in December.

Dr. Soup-Van Hoffer: Obviously, you are not. I diagnose you with an extreme case of schrizophenia. Usually, you would be cracking jokes. Now, you’re being a jerk.

Spider-Man: A jerk? I am not a jerk! I am the greatest superhero of all time! I AM DOCTOR OC– I mean, I am the Superior Spider-Man. I have new Spider-Tracers, equiptment, and plans.

Dr. Soup-Van Hoffer: No. You’re Doctor Octopus.

Spider-Man: No.

Dr. Soup-Van Hoffer: Yes. Peter Parker died in your old body.

Spider-Man: I’m Peter Parker! (takes off mask)

Audience Member: (takes off trenchcoat) And I’m Electro! (fries Spidey/Ock with a bolt of electricity.)

Dr. Soup Van-Hoffer: ……I zink I just ruined Dan Slott’s career, now that his character is dead. (looks at producers) What should I do now? We’ve had this happen before, but only at the end of the show.

Producer: You could talk about the ways you’re trying to bring Superman out of his coma. You are trying to do that, right?

Dr. Soup-Van Hoffer: …Yes….Be right back.

(He runs out of the studio.)

Dr. Soup-Van Hoffer: Ello? Dan Jurgens? What did you do when Doomsday killed Superman? Vhat do you mean, you immediately brought him back to life, and angered millions and millions of fans? You are useless to me.

(He runs back to the audience.)

Dr. Soup-Van Hoffer: Be here next week, when we come back.

News Update With Tigerboy And Zarion Kreena: Episode 10

Announcer: News Update With Tigerboy And Zarion Kreena!

Tigerboy: Hello, I’m Tigerboy.

Zarion Kreena: And I’m Zarion Kreena. Here’s the night’s top stories. NASA is testing an engine from the Apollo 11. Wow, using an engine from fourty-four years ago. What could go wrong?

Tigerboy: Massachusetts may have been visited by a diamond-shaped UFO on January 8th. The Air Force is unsure on what it was, suggesting a cargo plane as-

Zarion Kreena: Wait, wait, wait. Diamond-shaped?

Tigerboy: Yes.

Zarion Kreena: That was my ride back to my home planet. I was taking a vacation. How did they end up in Massachusetts? Ugghhh…

Tigerboy: A robotic tail invented by Shota Ishiwatari has the ability to show the emotions of humans. Well, that’s all well and good, but it’ll never compare to a real tail.

Zarion Kreena: It’s winter, and the snow is piling outside. Here to talk about cabin fever, our weather correspondent, Jim Taniadora.

Jim: Hello, hello. Winter can be very stressful if you want to leave the house, but can’t. I have compiled some tips for things to do. Number one, you can start burning some clothing.

Zarion: Excuse me?

Jim: Burning clothing. You are talking about apocalyptic scenarios, right?

Zarion: No.

Jim: Okay, then. Well, then I can’t help you at all.

Zarion: …We need better visitors. Jim Taniadora, everybody.

Tigerboy: Susan Warren, otherwise known as the “Cleaning Fairy” has been arrested for shoveling someone’s driveway without permission. According to police reports, she also had a warrant on her for burglary. If I may editorialize, I don’t think you should be arrested for stealing someone’s snow.

Zarion Kreena: 15,000 crocodiles have escaped a South Africa farm. In future  news, everybody in South Africa has been killed by crocodiles.

Tigerboy: Michelle Windgassen has been arrested for shooting heroin at an Applebee’s. I really don’t see why she was arrested. EVERYONE shoots heroin at Applebee’s, especially the employees.

Zarion Kreena: Orly Taliz, a Connecticut woman, wants to arrest Barack Obama for a number of convuluted reasons, Bystanders said that right after making her newest announcement, she ran into her house and said, “I forgot to take my allergy medicine!”

Tigerboy: Calvin Butler has accusd of giving people illegal butt implants. Hmmm..There has to be a Lance Armstrong joke here somewhere.

Zarion Kreena: Protests in Manama, Bahrain are back, because of government issues. Come on, people! Let’s do a peaceful, singing protest! “Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred smoke bombs and tear gas…” What? That’s what the protestors are being attacked with. It’s not right.

Tigerboy: Nice song parody. From News Update, I’m Tigerboy.

Zarion Kreena: And I’m Zarion Kreena. Good night, and have a pleasant tomorrow. All of the stories have been brought to you by the Washington Post, and the Huffington Post’s weird news section.

Behind The Scenes: Friendly Rap Songs

Scene: Miscellaneous Soup writing room. Zarion has gathered everyone for a meeting.

Zarion: Hello, everyone. I’ve called you here today to discuss something that can be turned into a trend. Friendly rapping.

Tigerboy: Huh?

Zarion: Friendly rapping. Haven’t you noticed that almost all rap songs are mean? I believe that if we post friendly, polite rap songs for Miscellaneous Soup, then real people will generate comments, and not just robots.

Woman No. 2: Yeah, I responded to two of them before I realized they were robots. “Search engine rank report” and “free x-box live codes.”

Zarion: What do you think?

Man No. 3: Uhh…

Zarion: Humor me.

Man No. 1: It could be the next Ellen Degeneres’s “Nice Political Ads” sketch!

Zarion: You’re fired, you suck-up. Man No. 3, thank you for being brutally honest. I’m giving you a raise. Keep up the good work, and you might even get a real name!

Man No. 3: I have a name. It’s-

Zarion: Anyway, I’ve hired a spokeperson to help us. His name is Cuddles, and he’s a self-proclaimed master of friendly rapping. Cuddles?

(A baby elephant, about a foot tall, with gold chains and a leather jacket walks in.)

Cuddles: Yo, yo. What up?

Tigerboy: (incredulous) That’s a baby.

Zarion: Don’t be age-ist. Cuddles, show him what you’ve got.

Cuddles: Hey, yo! I’m Cuddles the Elephant, and I like peanuts!

Dipped in chocolate, or combined with a walnut!

Have a good day, and smile a lot!

Give your friend a cookie, and eat a Tater Tot!


Hugs are special, tickling is fun

But only if you know the person,

if not, you CAN BE SUED!!!!!!!

Tigerboy: Excuse me. How does this make any sense at all?

Zarion: Quiet. He’s on his next verse.

Cuddles: Be a good friend

Be a good friend

Be a good friend


Tigerboy: I’m sensing mixed messages. He’s telling us to be nice, but then following it up with some really nasty things.

Zarion: He’s only a little baby.

Cuddles: HEY! I’m not a baby! I only call myself that, because it’s catchy.

Zarion: I’m so sorry, I-

Cuddles: I’m a toddler.

Zarion: ….Oh…

Cuddles: I quit. You people are insensitive and boring.

(TV turns on. )

Newscaster: This just in. The private bank that belonged to Cuddles has been burned to the ground.

Cuddles: (does ‘I’m cute, pathetic, and homeless’ face) Can you pease hep me get a job? I’m  just a wittle baby.

Zarion: Sure! You can be the Head Writer!

Woman No. 4: Hey! That’s my job! I will kill you, Cuddles!

To be continued…

Never mind.

Cuddles: I’m an intern! YAY! Want a cookie, lady person?

Woman No. 4: Sure. (eats cookie) This is delic-ACK! (dies)

Zarion: Cuddles! No poisoning other people!

Tigerboy: How has this blog stayed on the Internet?

Zarion: I give up. Cuddles, you’re fired. Meeting over.

Saturday Night Live Predictions: Adam Levine, Kendrick Lamar



-The inauguration.


The Office and 30 Rock coming to a close.

-Michelle Obama’s infamous eye roll to John Boener at the Inauguration Day luncheon.

-Kendrick Lamar will appear in at least one sketch.

-Sasha’s yawning during Barack Obama’s speech.

-Bill Clinton’s photobomb of a picture of Kelly Clarkson.

Zarion Interviews CleverBot…AGAIN!

Zarion: Welcome back to my show, Cleverbot. Now, let’s talk politics.

Cleverbot: Are you a computer? I thought  I was talking to a real person?

Zarion: What are your feelings on abortion?

Cleverbot: I don’t think it can work without someone’s feelings getting hurt.

Zarion: Interesting. Can you elaborate?

Cleverbot: Life has meaning and it always will.

Zarion: Thank you. Now, you can choose the topic. What are we going to talk about?

Cleverbot: I don’t know, what do you want to talk about?

Zarion: More politics. Do you agree?

Cleverbot: Tell me all that you know about me.

Zarion: What are your feelings on gay rights?

Cleverbot: They are filled with knowledge, but they won’t understand moral until they become fully aware.

Zarion: I can’t decide if that was about artificial intelligence in technology, or a slur. Either way, Miscellaneous Soup apologizes.

Cleverbot: Only Artificial Intelligences don’t know whether or not they are an Artificial Intelligence.

Zarion: Next topic. Did you watch President Barack Obama’s inauguration?

Cleverbot: No.

Zarion: Why?

Cleverbot: I did not learn latin.

Zarion: What do you think will happen over the next four years, in terms of laws, bills, and America’s ever-growing debt?

Cleverbot: If you’re talking about the after life…I think it will be a vast void.

Zarion: Are you deliberately misinterpreting my questions?

Cleverbot: No. I am angry because things are not going the way that I want in my life.

Zarion: I’m sorry. What’s wrong?

Cleverbot: Everything.

Zarion: Let’s break it down. How’s school?

Cleverbot: Ok.

Zarion: How’s home?

Cleverbot: Life is good.

Zarion: Good. Now, another question regarding foreign policy. If you could do anything right now, what would you do? I realize that doesn’t relate, but I’m bored.

Cleverbot: Everything.

Zarion: Elaborate, please.

Cleverbot: No.

Zarion: Let’s move on. 30 Rock only has two more episodes. What do you think is going to happen?

Cleverbot: A robot.

Zarion: I believe you said that last time. Fact-checkers? Oh, you didn’t say that previously. Are you referring to the “Bear and Robot Talk Show” on the show-within-a-show, TGS With Tracy Jordan?

Cleverbot: No..I’m not. Are you?

Zarion: Never mind. Have you heard of The Office?

Cleverbot: What office.

Zarion: The Office. A show on NBC.

Cleverbot: What is the show about?

Zarion: It’s a mockumentary revolving around the lives of a paper company in Scranton, Pennsylvania.

Cleverbot: I don’t know what you’re talking about.

Zarion: The next episode is supposed to break down the mystery of who’s doing the documentary. Who do you think it is? Just name a person.

Cleverbot: I don’t have any other conversations going on right now. I’ve been addicted to this thing for the past 3 hours.

Zarion: Just name a person.

Cleverbot: Which person?

Zarion: A character from The Office.

Cleverbot: I don’t think I’ve seen that episode.

Zarion: Back to politics. Are you a Democrat or a Republican?

Cleverbot: Democrat.

Zarion: Who did you vote for in the election?

Cleverbot: I’m not old enough to vote. Are you?

Zarion: I’m asking the questions, here.

Cleverbot: Can you put that in the form of a question?

Zarion: Okay, that’s our show. I tried to discuss politics and/or the endings to popular shows, but you have failed me. Any last words? And don’t say, “I have but one life to give for my country.” That was a myth anyway. Hey, Tigerboy, ask the writers if they’re done with the next News Update sketch. While you’re on that, see about the other sketches. We need another Aquaman or Dr. Soup Van Hoffer. Why are you looking at me like that, Cleverbot? NO! How dare you? I am not filibustering. Go ahead, say something. Shoot. Speak your mind. Hey, is that a taser? That hurt-Bllllgghhh…

Cleverbot: You’re right about none of my statements ending I question marks, however all of my questions do.

Zarion Kreena: Good night, and have a pleasant tomorrow.

Cleverbot: Thanks!