Sketch Comedy: Paranormal Activi-Wii


(Scene: The Miscellaneous Soup writing office. Zarion is examing a cardboard box, Tigerboy is reading a book. Meanwhile, a drunk monkey is banging on a typewriter, as ten or eleven men and women watch Saturday Night Live and periodically write down ideas.)

Zarion: Wow, this is cool!

Man No. 1: Huh? Sorry, we’re creating another version of Wayne’s World.

Woman No. 5: How about, “Brady’s Business?”

Man No. 3: Nah…

Woman No. 4: What about……Payne’s Palace?

Everyone: Perfect!

Tigerboy: (to the monkey) Hey, BoBo, how’s that music video coming? (reads script) Let’s see….Psy’s Gangnam Style plus Psyduck from Pokemon…Psymon Style! PERFECT!

Zarion: Yo, peeps! New toy to play with! We can rip off SNL later! (opens box) What’s a Wii?

Tigerboy: A WII???? I LOVE these! You can move your body, and it controls your game avatar.

Drunk Monkey: (chews box)

Women No. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, Men 1, 2, 3,4,5: NO, BOBO!

(BoBo is ushered out of the room. Meanwhile, the Wii floats out of the box.)

Zarion: SWEET! This is awesome sauce!

Tigerboy: Zarion, I don’t think this is a good idea. Also, who says ‘awesome sauce’ anymore? LOOK OUT!

(The wire is strangling Zarion!)

Zarion: Someone..please…help….I’m your boss!

(No one does anything. The writers stand there, awkwardly.)

Zarion: Don’t you care about giving the people laughter through sketches?

Woman No. 3: Yeah, that’s the thing. These sketches aren’t actually funny. That last “News Update” bit made me want to throw up.

Male No. 2: Frankly, I only took this job, because I thought I would, for once, not have to work with animals! I hate animals! (looks at Tigerboy) No offense.

Tigerboy: None taken. I have a human form, but I only use it for spy missions.

Zarion: R-raises…

(The writers converge on Zarion to grab the cable. Tigerboy moves to stop them.)

Tigerboy: NO! The protective covering is slipping off! It’ll fry all of you!

(The writers are zapped to death, leaving only Tigerboy and a still-asphyxiated Zarion in the room. He dies, and is absorbed and eaten by the Wii.)

Tigerboy: AHHHHHH! Wait, I have a healing factor. You can’t actually kill me.

(Wii looks around. It makes little beeping noises.)

Tigerboy: Sorry, no, not the monkey. He’s our head writer.

(Wii looks sad.)

Tigerboy: Aww, don’t be sad. Look, there’s some nice interns in the hallway. Second door to the left.

(The Wii leaves. Tigerboy is the only one left in the room.)

Tigerboy: ……Wow, this sketch is dark. I guess this teaches the writing crew not to try to steal ideas from MadTV. That show was cancelled for a reason. I’m just going to read. No funny ending here. Only fright, a little horror, and some sleepiness. Bye.

(Screams are heard, as the Wii eats the interns. The camera slowly turns off.)

Tigerboy: Wait, one more thing! Hey, Camera Joe! Come over here. (Camera shuffles forward slightly.) Without the camera. (gives Camera Joe money) Thanks. I needed to get everyone else out of the way. (He and Camera Joe, with the camera, leave. The room is empty. Slowly, a ghost appears.)

Ghost: Hello, people. I would just like to tell you that a parody of this awful caliber will never happen again. The crew just watched the Will Ferrell as Ted Kaczynski at his class reunion sketch. It’s dark, and hardly funny. So…see ya. Everything will be back to normal by tomorrow, I promise. The writers had a really big party last night. You don’t want to know what happened. So, bye. Ghost out. Or, rather, E.C. Toplasm out. (evil grin) You don’t kick me out of the show, and live to tell the tale. (Evil laugh. Fade to black.)

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