Sketch Comedy: Dr. Soup-Van Hoffer, Psychiatrist To The (Fictional) Stars! Episode 2

Dr. Soup-Van Hoffer: Allo, everyone! Velcome to my show! To begin things, I will now reveal zhe results of our experiment with Zhuperman. He is dead.

(Audience is stunned. Silence.)

Dr. Soup-Van Hoffer: (laughs) You should have seen the looks on your faces! He is actually in a coma. Now, to introduce our new guest. Zay hello to the Superior Spider-Man!

Spider-Man: I don’t know what I am doing here, you obnoxious, quack, oddly-garbed buffoon. I am no different now than what I was in December.

Dr. Soup-Van Hoffer: Obviously, you are not. I diagnose you with an extreme case of schrizophenia. Usually, you would be cracking jokes. Now, you’re being a jerk.

Spider-Man: A jerk? I am not a jerk! I am the greatest superhero of all time! I AM DOCTOR OC– I mean, I am the Superior Spider-Man. I have new Spider-Tracers, equiptment, and plans.

Dr. Soup-Van Hoffer: No. You’re Doctor Octopus.

Spider-Man: No.

Dr. Soup-Van Hoffer: Yes. Peter Parker died in your old body.

Spider-Man: I’m Peter Parker! (takes off mask)

Audience Member: (takes off trenchcoat) And I’m Electro! (fries Spidey/Ock with a bolt of electricity.)

Dr. Soup Van-Hoffer: ……I zink I just ruined Dan Slott’s career, now that his character is dead. (looks at producers) What should I do now? We’ve had this happen before, but only at the end of the show.

Producer: You could talk about the ways you’re trying to bring Superman out of his coma. You are trying to do that, right?

Dr. Soup-Van Hoffer: …Yes….Be right back.

(He runs out of the studio.)

Dr. Soup-Van Hoffer: Ello? Dan Jurgens? What did you do when Doomsday killed Superman? Vhat do you mean, you immediately brought him back to life, and angered millions and millions of fans? You are useless to me.

(He runs back to the audience.)

Dr. Soup-Van Hoffer: Be here next week, when we come back.


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