Feed Me Maybe –Sung to the tune of “Call Me Maybe” (Apologies to Carly Rae Jepsen)
I took one look in my bowl
There was nothing to eat
I looked in your eyes
And started to beg
I just want kibble in my dish
Maybe a chocolate bone
You take the bag out,
in response to my pleading eyes
The food looked golden
Ripped bag, munchies were spillin’
Run, eat, gobble all of it up
Where you think you’re going, foody?
Hey, listen, I just ate food
And this is crazy
But I’m still hungry
So feed me maybe?
It’s hard to think straight
I’m so hungry
So here’s my food bowl
Feed me maybe?
Yes, I already ate my food,
But I’m still hungry
So feed me maybe
You started eating some cheese
And a bit started to fall
I ate it up
And searched for more
I beg and whine for a meal
Sniff at the floor like it’s veal
I didn’t think I would find anything
But I’m still looking
Your bag was tearin’
Ripped bag, cheese was spillin’
Time to eat-Wait,
why are you dragging me away?
Hey, I just ate food,
and this is crazy
But I’m sleepy
Some Hobo’s Game Show
Some Hobo: Hello, I’m Some Hobo! It’s time (hacking noise) to play WAchOOOOAGOOOAAA…..Sorry. It’s time to (stink lines) play-
(Zarion Kreena and Tigerboy shove him out of the way.)
Zarion: We’ve had Wheel of Dynamite.
Zarion: Name that Nerd!
Tigerboy: Now….Who Wants To Leave This Game Show Alive?
(The contestants awkwardly raise their hands.)
Zarion: No, that’s the name of the game show. Our guest today is none other than…Barney!
Barney: Hi, everyone! I’m your friend!
Tigerboy: Hi, ‘friend.’ Welcome to your doom.
Barney: Awww, a kitty.
Tigerboy: WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?
Barney: (forcibly hugs Tigerboy) PETS ARE CUTE! LaLALALALALALLA!
Zarion: Okay, that’s enough, Purplebrain. Get into your cage.
(Barney gets into a cattle prod-laced cage.)
Barney: The pain! The pain! Wahaaahhaha!
Zarion: Okay, time to meet the contestants. Contestant number one is Bob the Eyeball!
Bob: I’m a floating eyeball. Don’t ask.
Zarion Kreena: The second contestant is…..SOME HOBO!
Some Hobo: Yeah, now I have more than *HACK* a cameo!
Zarion: And our third contestant is SPECIAL GUEST STAR…..ghost of Stinkerbelch!
Stinkerbelch: I hate you.
Zarion: Lovely. Now, all of you have five minutes to think of the meanest insult possible. It will be measured in cruelty by this electric chair, that Tigerboy will sit in.
Tigerboy: What now?
Zarion: BEGIN! While you think, we’ll mark the five minutes by mildly zapping Tigerboy.
Tigerboy: Hey-OW! I think that-OW! This might be a bad idea…OW! That’s not mild by any stretch of the imagination!
Zarion: Time is UP!
Zarion: Bob, what did you come up with?
Bob the Eyeball: Blarney.
Zarion: And the chair says…
Tigerboy: Ow…Okay, it’s registering at a ‘mildly annoying, but mostly cliche.
Zarion: Some Hobo?
Some Hobo: *SNEEZE, SNARF* Purple Postule! Hack…
Tigerboy: OW! It’s a ‘Tsk, tsk.’
Zarion: We have some real wimps here. Stinkerbelch?
Stinkerbelch: Spawn of Satan!
Zarion: Wow…Just, wow…That’s Barney’s nickname?
Stinkerbelch: No, that’s your nickname. Barney’s is “Not Educational.”
Zarion: More of a judgement, but, eh. Tigerboy?
Tigerboy: It’s a “You monster!” Stinkerbelch wins. VULTURES!
Vulture No. 1: (caws)
Vulture No. 2: (caws)
Zarion: Tear them to shreds, my pretties.
(Bob and Some Hobo run.)
Zarion: Stinkerbelch? How should Barney be killed?
Stinkerbelch: Torn in half and ripped apart/drooled on by screaming children.
Zarion: Perfectly ironic! That’s our 800th post, good night! Have a pleasant tomorrow!
Tigerboy: Happy Wednesday!