Improvised Play: Zarion and Syrika in “Elf Cheese, Pie Interlopers! THE MOVIE” (Starring Newt Gingrich)


Syrika: That’s disgusting!!!!!!

Zarion: Kill the interloper! Do you have any gorgonzolas?

Syrika: Nah, they stink. I had a friend who ate gorgonzola pie.  He’s almost out of the hospital by now.

Zarion: Pie……*imagines monkey made of idiot paste* Did someone just say ‘elf?’ Or was that in my head?

Syrika: He put bombs in the pie instead of cheese. At least it smelled better. He knew a guy who knew a guy who knew a guy who knew a guy’s Uncle Barbara that ate elves. They tasted chewy. And minty like  a candy cane. And, well, ZARION YOU DISGUST ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

Zarion: I like muffins.

Syrika: Bananananananannananannannananananapienananananananannanannaanancheesenanananananannananananananayugioh

Zarion: I am the pretty Wombat Queen, Wombat Queen, I am the pretty Wombat Queen…..OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, yes I am! *sips milk* This tastes weird…..

Syrika: …………………………….

Zarion: I think I’m drunk.

Syrika: 0_o You can’t put that in a kids’ blog!!


Syrika: O_o That was a shoe.

Zarion: *un-dies* I SAW HEAVEN! Or maybe that was just a cooking store. Who wants pie? ME! ME! ME! Okay, let me take it out. GIMME! NO, ME! PIE< YOU DEGENERATE WEASEL!

Syrika: You are offending weasels and schizophrenics everywhere. Shame. Shame. Ooh, a cookie!!

Zarion: That’s no cloud. That’s a spaceship.

Syrika: A SPACESHIP??? …aceship….aceship…….macaroni…..aceship….. Uh-oh, my third echo is broken again.

Zarion: Curse you, Perry the Monkey! I will annihilate Spider-Man and the Spider-Cave! *turns into a llama* I WILL SPIT INTO SYRIKA’S THIRD LEFT Eye!

10 hours later…

Syrika: I gave that away to someone. Yay, I’m normalish!!! Ooh, a llama!

Zarion: *snaps back to normal* ……What happened to my milk? Was I drunk again? *sniffs milk*  Okay, someone put happy medicine in my milk! Wait, I sniffed it….*world gets weird again* SWISS!

And thus ends Zarion’s epitaph, and the story of what IDIOT put cactus juice in his milk. I mean, who waits for so long before finally deciding to do EVERYONE a favor and wacko his milk?? It took 46 years for someone to get the memo!!! Thank you, kind stranger!!!!

Mr. Macho: I do what I can.

Zarion: I’m not deeeeeaaaaddddddddd! *dies*

Syrika:  Uncle Barbara put the cactus juice. She/he’s on the run in Canada. What did Canada ever do to it???



News Update With Zarion Kreena And Tigerboy: Episode 11-

(Da-da-da-da, da-da-da-da)

Announcer: News Update With Zarion Kreena and Tigerboy!

Zarion: Hello, I’m Zarion Kreena.

Tigerboy: And I’m Tigerboy. Here are the night’s top stories. Last Monday, Fox New’s Detroit channel covered a local car show. When asked what else happened on Monday, they said “Oh, nothing happened! Absolutely nothing else that we would even be remotely interested in.”

Zarion: The bird flu is back, so, please, don’t go around kissing any birds. That means you, Idaho. We’re watching you.

Tigerboy: New promos have been released for a Marvel Comics storyline called “The Age of Ultron”, where an artificial intelligence takes over the world. In other words, I, Robot with superheroes.

Zarion Kreena: Justin Bieber is hosting Saturday Night Live next week, so don’t forget to set your DVRs to record anything else that is on besides that.

Tigerboy: I feel a time warp coming! No, this isn’t a joke!

(The desk travels through time….Vague clips are shown…..)


Zarion: Kreena: It’s pi day, so be sure to-


Tigerboy: North Korea has been making nuclear tests, so we’re all doomed, war is inevitable, blah, blah, blah, EVERYBODY HIDE!

Zarion Kreena: There’s a new viral video going around called the “Harlem Shake.” My only question is, why is part of New York shaking? Earthquake?

Tigerboy: ‘Lil Wayne is currently in the hospital.

Zarion Kreena: School closed because the Fresh Prince theme song was played…..

Tigerboy: No Hulk spinoffs for the Marvel Cinematic Universe….

Zarion Kreena: The Bachelor

Tigerboy: Muppets sequel

Zarion Kreena: Skyfall

Tigerboy: Bill Nye-

(Time warp ends……)

Zarion Kreena: ….What just happened?

Tigerboy: I have no idea. What day is it?

Zarion Kreena: March 19th.

Tigerboy: Wow…It’s been over two months since we started this.

Zarion Kreena: From News Update, I’m Zarion Kreena.

Tigerboy: And I’m Tigerboy. Good night, and have a pleasant tomorrow.

Saturday Night Live Review/Recap- Justin Timberlake (HOST/MUSICAL GUEST): FEATURING The Five-Timer’s Club and Stefon!

Zarion: Rambling. Regular.

Tigerboy: Description:

Zarion: And that wraps up seeing how much we can describe  the reviews in as little words as possible.

Last Minute Predictions:



Host: Justin Timberlake

Musical Guest: Justin Timberlake

Why He’s Playing/Hosting: His album, 20/20 Experience, Suit & Tie, having something to do with the Super Bowl, DIRECTV Super Saturday Night, 55th Grammy Awards appearance

Cold Opening-”C-Span: Memorial Service for Hugo Chavez”:
-”Rambling Guy”: Hmmm. Well, let’s hope that this is tasteful. Who’s Rocket Man? TIny Dancer? Lion King? Who are these people? Oh, Elton John. Nicknames. Looks like Taram Killam playing him. His imitation makes me laugh. I like funny songs. Let’s hope this is funny. “And you liked to wear a sash.” “You called George Bush the devil…” Really? Or is this a song parody? I’ll just pretend it is. “Two pistols at a press conference” This is funny! “Kidnapping capital of the world….increased milk production by 50 percent.” Never mind. Justin Timberlake is imitating him. I like his imitation, it’s better than Horatio Sanz’s. Yeah, now that I think of  it, he doesn’t really sound like Taran Killam. B+
-Regular Review: This was mildy amusing in the way that it showcased Chavez’s controversial decisions, and the song was amusing.
-Tigerboy’s Description: Elton John sings for Hugo Chavez.

-”Rambling Guy”: Yes, once again, someone is impersonating Don Pardo. He broke his hip. It’s sad. What will happen when he can no longer work on the show? It’s already no longer live when he announces. Oh, well. I hope the Five-Timer’s Club will appear. I really do…Wow, he changed costumes quickly. What check? Counting on his fingers…Funny. “Inevitably let everyone down thanks to overally high expectations.” YES! CLUB! WOOOOO! CAMEOS!! WOOOO! PAUL SIMON!!!!!!!!! WOOOO! Justin is much taller than him….STEVE MARTIN!!! WOOOOO! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! “Well, Justin Timberlake…” Who’s Joey Fatone? “So, you play banjo?” Steve is hilarious. “Oh, so not everything.” Even his inflectio n is funny. DAN AYKROYD!!!!! Steve just laughs…”You’re adorable.” “Let’s keep the chit-chat to a minimun, Danny.” Kristen is a drink? Gilly is a drink?? Everything Steve says is hilarious! Hall of Portraits!! CHEVY!!! CHEVY!!!!! WOOOOOOOO!!!! HAHHAAH! “Just send the bill to me, Mr….Steve Martin.” “No, it’s on purpose.” “Exactly.” MARTIN SHORT!!!!!! Hilarious spit-take….Three Amigos?? COOL! What salute? HAHAAHHA! ALEC BALDWIN! TOM HANKS!!!! HAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHA! “Gouge his eyes, Taran!” “Finish him, Bobby!” “I killed my friend!” “No sudden fits of rage…” CANDICE BERGEN!!!! WOOOO!  “I go in the sink!” A++++++++++++++++++
-Regular Review: Best sketch of the night. EVERYTHING Steve Martin said was funny.
-Tigerboy’s Description: Justin Timberlake joins the Five-Timer’s Club.

It’s A Date!:
-”Rambling Guy”: “The only dating game show still on TV!” “And I feel awful!” This seems good. Hooray for Bobby Moynihan! Bill Hader’s laugh is evil! NOOOOO! NOOO! Not this….At least Samberg is here…I hate those characters. I have no idea what they’re saying. WOOOOOO! WILD AND CRAZY GUYS!!!! “Two wild and crazy guys!” This is the second time they’ve met different characters. The others were the Roxbury Guys. “That sounds okay.” Ewwww…”Seriously?” “We will have many bottles of sparkly wine from Long Island!” ‘Which we own….for work.” Eww….”Oh, I’m going to lose.” This isn’t going to be appropriate…”Do you guys hear the questions beforehand?” “Hewey and Louie and Dewy- DuckTales!” Ewww….Ewww…”Thirty-seven years!” Ewwww….I don’t think that is a known fact. First, they mention drugs. Then, they say to stay in school! “It’s called fun!” “Shut up!” Ewww… C
-Regular Review: I liked seeing the different SNL characters meet each other, but it could have been less dirty.
-Tigerboy’s Description: The D*** In The Box Guys, the Wild and Crazy Guys, and a random person all compete on a game show.

-”Rambling Guy”: Oh, dear…This isn’t going to be good….EWWW…F
-Regular Review: Creepy sketch.
-Tigerboy’s Description: It’s a new kind of….Actually, I have no idea what it is.

Musical Performance #1:
-”Rambling Guy”: Cool! Timberlake is introducing his own performance! Okay, he’s playing “Suit & Tie.” And, he just mentioned SNL. Okay, the lyrics are dirty. I like the music, and he is a relatively good singer. Also, Jay-Z is singing. I don’t know who he is. However, that does not factor into the grading system.  So, C-.
-Regular Review: See “Rambling Guy.”
-Tigerboy’s Description: Justin Timberlake, his band, and Jay-Z sing/play “Suit & Tie.”

Weekend Update:
-”Rambling Guy”: Stefon, COME ON! “I’m guessing, on an island shaped like a skull.” “Dude, just mind your own business for a while!” “Which in pesos, works out to infinity.” Hmm..Star Wars. HAHA! Jar Jar Binks! Even I get that reference! Chewbacca is bald…Hahahaha. Ewww….EWWWWW…..EWWWW…..I get that…”And a man in jail was disappointed to get a cake that was just Elmo.” Ewww…..”The clock on your oven will be wrong for six months.” STEFON!!!!! FINALLY!!!! WOOOOOOO! “This job writing for Smash is killing me.” Marriage? I wish I could type inflections. “90 miles per hour down the freeway…” “You may want to hear Jasper the Gorilla pass a kidney stone.” “My wallet! Yeah, right!” “New York’s hottest club is Your Mother And I Are Separating.” “those shoes that nurses wear” “Donald Duck having a Vietnam nightmare.” “If you’re looking to get hurt or go completely insane….” BREAKING CHARACTER!!! “Located in a haunted diaper!” Human fanny pack? “And holds your passport in his mouth.” “And ‘Why not?” “To kill her?” Stefon has a Five-Timer’s club??’” It’s over? That was a short Weekend Update. “From Weekend Update, I’m the future Mrs. Stefon Meyers.” A
-Regular Review: Almost everything was funny.
-Tigerboy’s Description: Seth Meyers

The Tales of Sober Caliguli:
-”Rambling Guy”: Yay, a historical parody! Ewww….EWWWW……EWWWWWWWWW…… “Game night!” Ewwww… EWWWWW……I’m just going to stop saying “Ew”, because this is obviously going to get much worse. “Everyone should be writing down the names of three celebrities and putting them in this helmet.” F
-Regular Review: Bad sketch.
-Tigerboy’s Description: Caliguli tries to give up his evil ways.

Maine Justice:
-”Rambling Guy”: Oh, not again. This sketch is offensive. ANDY SAMBERG! WOOO! I have to say, the music and cartoon alligator make me laugh. Finally, Jason! He hasn’t been in this episode, until now. “Actually, I am, I went to LSU.” They ARE Southern! How do they not like people from the South??? The alligator came….I foresee death. “Look, he think’s he’s a judge, too.” They’re spoon-feeding it! “Southern Yankee!” That’s an oxymoron, I think. “That’s my sentence? I’m going to eat donuts?” Eww…That’s disgusting. Not the quote, what they said after that. D-
-Regular Review: Offensive sketch.
-Tigerboy’s Description: Maine Justice investigates another court case.

Musical Performance No. 2:
-”Rambling Guy”: Cool! The Three Amigos are introducing him! Okay, good singing. I like the music. The song is…I have no idea. So, that category is suspended. A
-Regular Review: See “Rambling Guy.”
-Tigerboy’s Description: Justin Timberlake and his band play/sing “Mirrors.”

She’s Got A D***:
-”Rambling Guy”: Okay, a movie preview. Typical stupid movie. Nasim Pedrad is doing a good job. Ewwww….. “Eugene Levy, an adorable brunette” F
-Regular Review: I am not reviewing this.
-Tigerboy’s Description: I am not describing this.

Moet & Chandon Champagne:
-“Rambling Guy”: Not again….It’s these people….. “Other champagnes are too ‘spensive.;” “sussessful surgery, bubbles, promotions” “You’ll think you just graduated manga cum laude-ly.” “I got cut in half for real at a magic show.” Ewwww…. D-
-Regular Review: Weird, bad recurring characters.
-Tigerboy’s Description: Two ex-(bleep) stars sell champagne.

-”Rambling Guy”: I was right. Paul Simon, Steve Martin, Dan Aykroyd, Chevy Chase, Martin Short, Alec Baldwin, Tom Hanks, Jay-Z, Candice Bergen, and Andy Samberg cameod.
-Regular Review: N/A
-Tigerboy’s Description: N/A

Closing Comments: Don Pardo still wasn’t here. That was sad. There seemed to be a lot of references to ducks in the sketches. “Hewey, Dewey, Louie. DuckTales, Donald Duck having Vietnam nightmares.” I liked seeing the cameos, but the majority of this episode could have been better.

Best Sketch: “Monologue”

Worst Sketch: “Moet and Chandon Champagne”

Best Commercial Parody: N/A

Worst Commercial Parodies: “She’s Got A D***” and “NuvaBling” tie.

Overall Rating: C-/70.1%


Saturday Night Live Promos and Predictions: Justin Timberlake!



-Andy Samberg will return.

-The Pope situation will be made fun of.

-Hugo Chavez will be respectfully mentioned.

-STEFON, darn it!!!!


Saturday Night Live Review/Recap- Season 38, Episode 15- Kevin Hart(HOST), Macklemore & Ryan Lewis(MUSICAL GUEST): FEATURING The New Pope, Barack Obama’s Sequester Speech, The Walking Dead, Z-Shirts, and the 360 News!

Zarion Kreena: I write “Rambling Guy” and “Regular Reviews.

Tigerboy: I give descriptions.

Zarion Kreena: Welcome to another Saturday Night Live review.

Host: Kevin Hart

Why He’s Hosting: Laugh At My Pain”,  a new special. Or, his stand-up comedy. Or, “Let Me Explain.” Or, Real Husbands of Hollywood.

Musical Guest: Macklemore and Ryan Lewis

Why Macklemore is Playing: Primed, The Heist

-Why Ryan Lewis is Playing:  The Vs. The Vs. (Redux), The Heist, Can’t Hold Us, his tour

Cold Opening-“Barack Obama’s Sequester Speech”

-“Rambling Guy”: State of the Union? FINALLY! At the very least, it’s Barack Obama! Ohhhh, the sequester. Michelle Obama will only do four television appearances a week. This is amusing. Ewww….So many ridiculous things! “Our space helmets will no longer have glass!” The zoo? Poor fired monkeys….”Ripping off faces..” Horse meat joke. Bobby Moynihan‘s costume….wow….”It’s the greatest day of my entire life!” Racist costume. I’m confused. What are they doing? “They’ll be another, way-worse financial crisis to deal with.” B+

-Regular Review: I love Jay Pharoah‘s Barack Obama impression. This sketch was pretty well-constructed.

-Tigerboy’s Description: Barack Obama talks about his sequester deal, and the various budget cuts to follow.



-“Rambling Guy”: I hope that if he does stand-up, it’s appropriate. I’m confused. Break character? “What about NOW?” HAHAAHAHA! “I put them both in my mouth!” This is hilarious! Outbreak monkeys??? He auditioned? Cool! “Six or seven months ago, twenty-two days..two hours…” “I’m so talented, I can develop them right now.” “I’m only going to do impressions.” HAHAHAHAHHAHHA! Wonderful De Niro..WHoever he is. Swear word. Bad. “That wasn’t even a line in the movie.” “Do you do any impressions?” B-

-Regular Review: There were some enjoyable moments, including Hart’s De Niro impression. I was confused by the homeless man story at first, but it was hilarious at the end.

-Tigerboy’s Description: Kevin Hart talks about someone getting mugged over a sandwich, and auditioning for Saturday Night Live.

Steve Harvey:

-“Rambling Guy”: It’s this sketch again. Let’s hope that it’s good. “Dogs who look like people.” The pictures are amusing. He’s not pronouncing “phobia” the right way. “My mustache gonna slide down my throat and kill me.” “Equilibrium” Eww…Horses are scary. This is creepy, but amusing. I hope I don’t have nightmares about horses with fingers. Stuffed horses! Yay, Nasim Pedrad! It’s moving…And, it neighs. HAAHAHAHA! THey’re hiding behind a couch. B+

-Regular Review: BETTER than the Seth McFarlane one.

-Tigerboy’s Description: Steve Harvey tries to help his guest rid his fear of horses.

The Situation With Wolf Blitzer:

-“Rambling Guy”: Cool! The new Pope! Who’s the Pope??? HAHAHAHHAHA! The new Pope is the nine year old who was nominated for an Oscar! I’m sorry, I do not know how to spell her name. What’s the Duggie? This is an excellent idea for a sketch. “Which means, “I’m da man!'” Fred Armisen is hilarious! “The new Pope is riding a cardinal like a horsie!” I predict that this sketch will offend people as much as the commerical parody from the previous episode. A

-Regular Review: This sketch, like the previous Situation Room sketch, seemed too short. However, it was amusing.

-Tigerboy’s Description: “The Situation Room” airs live coverage of the new pope.

Verismo Coffee by Starbucks:

“Rambling Guy”: Okay, a commercial parody. Starbucks? Wait…RERUN! BOO! Okay. N/A for grading.

-Regular Review: See above.

-Tigerboy’s Description: Starbucks introduces a new voice feature coffee pot for your home.

Barnes & Noble Meeting:

“Rambling Guy”: Yay! Barnes & Noble…Wait. It’s another version of the McDonald’s sketch from the Anne Hathaway episode. “Do you hatch out of an egg every day?” Kid;s Choice Awards reference…? “Rudy’s stupid ponytail.” This sketch has foul language. “I would be. It’s my last name.” Why did they mention January? Taran Killam‘s face is funny. Poor Carl…Poor everyone. “Well, he makes a valid point.” I see Kevin breaking character. D

Musical Performance #1:

-“Rambling Guy“: COol! They mentioned SNL! I like this! Excuse me. I need to dance. Music, good. Singing, pretty good. Lyrics, HIGHLY INAPPROPRIATE.  Oh, and they sang “Thrift Shop.” C-

-Regular Review: See above.

-Tigerboy’s Description: Macklemore and Ryan Lewis sing “Thrift Shop.”

Weekend Update: 

-“Rambling Guy”: Here’s hoping you save the episode. Let Stefon come…please….”He’s the man for the job if the job is not doing your job.” “revealing an incredible case of hat hair.” “I’m guessing- Trying to kill James Bond?” “Of how they only exist because your iPhone died.” Ewww..Dennis Rodmann and Kim Jong Un. Hooray for Pharoah and Moynihan! Bobby’s impression sounds very racist. Reference to Macklemore. Ewww…. “Tomorrow we start Jedi training.” “Sir, we’ve already brought you eight cheeseburgers.” “For more, check out this month’s issue of Good Enough.” Stupid owner. Ewwww…. Racist joke. YAY! “Really- With Seth and Kevin!” “When you’re a small council of old people in robes who can’t be fired.” “I’m short, but I’m not that short!” “They waited six months after Lincoln-the movie!” A Massachusetts school did that? Not nice. Wow…..Bad name. “To win the game, you just have to defeat all the progress women have ever made.” NOOO! It’s over….B+

-Regular Review: Almost the whole thing was good. The dirty parts were bad.

-Tigerboy’s Description: Seth Meyers makes news jokes, speaks with Dennis Rodman and Kim Jong Un, and says “Really?” to the South.

The Walking Dead:

-“Rambling Guy”: I thought they would parody this eventually. I’ve never seen the show, but this is amusing. A

-Regular Review: Not much to say.

-Tigerboy’s Description: A new person joins the team!

Shark Tank:

-“Rambling Guy”: “It’s the exact opposite of a vest.” Pretty good. Wait, it’s over. Swear word. Bad. A

-Regular Review: Mostly funny, but I wish more contestants were shown.

-Tigerboy’s Description: A bad idea is judged by billionaires.


-“Rambling Guy”: I’m confused. Never mind. This is hilarious! “Is it a K-shirt?” A

-Regular Review: See above, I’m still laughing.

-Tigerboy’s Description: Is it an A-Shirt? IS IT A B-SHIRT??

Commercial Voice Readings:

“Rambling Guy”: This is amusing. She has a good commercial voice. I’m confused. Is Kevin Hart playing himself? Never mind. There’s some obvious product placement with this. “You can’t bring a bubble bath to a dessert island.” “Good luck with that, stupid.” Swear word. Bad. C-

-Regular Review: Not sure what to say.

-Tigerboy’s Description: A man has to read commercials that are unsuitable.

Musical Performance No. 2

-“Rambling Guy”: GOod music. Sounds like something I’ve heard on the radio. Good singing. The song is “Can’t Hold Us.” Bad lyrics. C-

-Regular Review: See above.

-Tigerboy’s Description: Macklemore and Ryan Lewis sing “Can’t Hold Us.”

Z-Shirt 2:

-“Rambling Guy”: A funeral….IT’S THE Z-SHIRT GUY AGAIN! A

-Regular Review: See my review for the previous “Z-Shirt” sketch.

-Tigerboy’s Description: IS IT A C-SHIRT?? IS IT A D-SHIRT??

360 Degrees News:

-“Rambling Guy”: This is hilarious. …He has a neck brace…HAHAHAHHA! “Oh, God……It kills me, man!” *insert moans of pain* This is hilarious! DON’T REMOVE THE BRACE!!!!!!!! Swear word. Bad. “This is a very stupid idea for a news show.”  “It’s bad.” THE CEILING?? Wow…Kevin Hart is a very good actor. “360 News…will not be right back.” A

-Regular Review: Much like the last one, a very bizarre idea. Fortunately, I love bizarre humor.

-Tigerboy’s Description: DO NOT do a news show from every angle if you have a neck injury.


-“Rambling Guy”: I was right. No one cameod. That was cut off quickly. No credits were shown, I think.

Closing Comments: They could have done more on the horse meat scandal, and showed Stefon. The episode was fairly good, but I didn’t like the constant use of the “B word”. I predict outrage over the Pope sketch.

Best Sketch: “360 News”

Worst Sketch: “Barnes & Noble Meeting”

Best Commercial Parody: “Z-Shirt” and “Z-Shirt 2” tie.

Worst Commercial Parody: “Starbucks Verismo Coffee”,  because it was a rerun.

Overall Rating: 88%/B+


Saturday Night Live News: Double-Sized!

March 2nd, 2013

Host: Kevin Hart

Why He’s Hosting: “Laugh At My Pain”,  a new special. Or, his stand-up comedy. Or, “Let Me Explain.” Or, Real Husbands of Hollywood.

Musical Guest: Macklemore and Ryan Lewis

Why Macklemore is Playing: Primed, The Heist

-Why Ryan Lewis is Playing: The Vs. The Vs. (Redux), The Heist, Can’t Hold Us, his tour

March 9th, 2013

Host: Justin Timberlake

Musical Guest: Justin Timberlake

Why He’s Playing/Hosting: His album, 20/20 Experience, Suit & Tie, having something to do with the Super Bowl, DIRECTV Super Saturday Night, 55th Grammy Awards appearance