First Up: Jared’s Story, Based On The Randomly Generated Topic “9 Things I Like About MMA”

Note from Zach: If you want to try this, use this website:

So. Good morning sunshine, the earth says hello. And so do I. I am here from my theater to contribute my own two cents (or scallions, if you so desire) to the Miscellaneous Soup pot. Here goes: “9 Things I Like About Mixed Martial Arts,” beautifully arranged in list form.

1. It’s mixed. Gotta love that. You can’t just have more of the same, it simply gets unenjoyable. At least those kind folks over at MMA know how to mix things up.

2. It’s martial arts. Yes, it is an art. Like painting, sculpting, or choreographing dancing bananas, punching the living stuffing out of a fellow human requires coordination, poise, and, most of all, delicacy.

3. I know literally nothing about any martial arts that are not Tae Kwon Do (I’m an advanced blue belt…woohoo!), so this gives me a (great?) reason to expand my knowledge, since I had to research what the heck MMA actually is.

4. Apparently, according to my friend Wikipedia, it required both striking and grappling techniques. Taken completely out of context, striking is awesome in bowling, and grappling is awesome if you are trying to scale a building with a hook attached to a rope. So, I’m a fan.

5. It’s unarmed. Which means double-arm amputees can participate too (sorry…bad pun). But you don’t have to worry about “bringing a knife to a gun fight” because both are prohibited. However, you may have to worry about bringing a fist to a fist fight, which would only be a problem if you weigh 200 pounds less than your opponent.

6. It traces its roots back to the ancient Greek Olympics, which are slightly older than I am (like maybe 2800 years…). That’s pretty cool because, ya know, it just is.

7. If you apply the same technique Marshall Mathers used to come up with his rap name (Eminem, formed by spelling out “M and M,” his initials), the name of the game becomes “Ememay” which is weird-looking and not the actual name.

8. MMA fights are usually broadcast on pay-per-view, which means nothing to me since I don’t ever watch pay-per-view, but I’m sure the TV companies like it (and probably the fighters too).

9. After writing this, I know slightly more about MMA, and I hope you do too. Therefore, I never have to watch it. Right?

Thanks for reading this guest post, and I hope you like MMA as much as I do(n’t).



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