The Ultimate Experiment?


Hello, readers. While not necessarily on this blog, I have complained about Twilight for years. My complaints have ranged from the contrived and boring story to the various “morals” that can be drawn from it. I finally have received some proof as to the horrible messages in this article.  Please go to the “Unfortunate Implications” section for more details.

Now, an idea has entered into my mind. Whether it was born from a reader’s morbid curiosity or the frozen state that my brain is currently in (Thank you, fall!), part of me wishes to read the Twilight series, and then analyze it here.  And, because my thinking processes are still bleary from morning tiredness and the weather, I will let YOU decide! Comment below, yes or no. Should I read what I believe to be the worst book series known to Earth, or not? (Be warned: Once I come to my senses,  I may simply disregard all comments made, or lack of comments.) Have an excellent morning, afternoon, evening, night, and midnight! (Or, in layman’s terms, a day.)

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Orientation, Lord Of The Flies-Style!!


Hello, hello, hello. I am currently at my school. I like my school. However, that is not the reason for being here over the summer. The reason is Chemistry. I failed the first semester. (insert sad face here) 

W

Wait, I just heard that orientation starts in eight minutes. In that case, I’m wrong about the title of this post. Oh, well. Here’s the story:

We were supposed to come inside at 8:30, but we didn’t. The end. I exaggerated. I’m just making this post as a way to kill time and stress. For Miscellaneous Soup, I’m Zachary Krishef. Have an excellent day. I’m terrified. Eight minutes until CHEMISTRY….

News Update With Tigerboy And Zarion Kreena: Episode 10


Announcer: News Update With Tigerboy And Zarion Kreena!

Tigerboy: Hello, I’m Tigerboy.

Zarion Kreena: And I’m Zarion Kreena. Here’s the night’s top stories. NASA is testing an engine from the Apollo 11. Wow, using an engine from fourty-four years ago. What could go wrong?

Tigerboy: Massachusetts may have been visited by a diamond-shaped UFO on January 8th. The Air Force is unsure on what it was, suggesting a cargo plane as-

Zarion Kreena: Wait, wait, wait. Diamond-shaped?

Tigerboy: Yes.

Zarion Kreena: That was my ride back to my home planet. I was taking a vacation. How did they end up in Massachusetts? Ugghhh…

Tigerboy: A robotic tail invented by Shota Ishiwatari has the ability to show the emotions of humans. Well, that’s all well and good, but it’ll never compare to a real tail.

Zarion Kreena: It’s winter, and the snow is piling outside. Here to talk about cabin fever, our weather correspondent, Jim Taniadora.

Jim: Hello, hello. Winter can be very stressful if you want to leave the house, but can’t. I have compiled some tips for things to do. Number one, you can start burning some clothing.

Zarion: Excuse me?

Jim: Burning clothing. You are talking about apocalyptic scenarios, right?

Zarion: No.

Jim: Okay, then. Well, then I can’t help you at all.

Zarion: …We need better visitors. Jim Taniadora, everybody.

Tigerboy: Susan Warren, otherwise known as the “Cleaning Fairy” has been arrested for shoveling someone’s driveway without permission. According to police reports, she also had a warrant on her for burglary. If I may editorialize, I don’t think you should be arrested for stealing someone’s snow.

Zarion Kreena: 15,000 crocodiles have escaped a South Africa farm. In future  news, everybody in South Africa has been killed by crocodiles.

Tigerboy: Michelle Windgassen has been arrested for shooting heroin at an Applebee’s. I really don’t see why she was arrested. EVERYONE shoots heroin at Applebee’s, especially the employees.

Zarion Kreena: Orly Taliz, a Connecticut woman, wants to arrest Barack Obama for a number of convuluted reasons, Bystanders said that right after making her newest announcement, she ran into her house and said, “I forgot to take my allergy medicine!”

Tigerboy: Calvin Butler has accusd of giving people illegal butt implants. Hmmm..There has to be a Lance Armstrong joke here somewhere.

Zarion Kreena: Protests in Manama, Bahrain are back, because of government issues. Come on, people! Let’s do a peaceful, singing protest! “Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred smoke bombs and tear gas…” What? That’s what the protestors are being attacked with. It’s not right.

Tigerboy: Nice song parody. From News Update, I’m Tigerboy.

Zarion Kreena: And I’m Zarion Kreena. Good night, and have a pleasant tomorrow. All of the stories have been brought to you by the Washington Post, and the Huffington Post’s weird news section.