Shocking News With Zachary Krishef


Firstly, the hit kids’ sitcom Spongebob Squarepants has actually had an amusing show. No, this is not a joke. Watch “Spongebob, You’re Fired”. It has some bad jokes, but also a return to some of the classic humor. Similarly, you can see at least two subtle callbacks to previous episodes. Finally, I like seeing the mutant Tiny!Patrick growing out of Patrick’s skull, no matter what you think.

Finally, we had snow yesterday. Yes, the second week of November, and we had a light dusting of snow. Truly, this is a sign of the apocalypse. Run, go to a bunker! For Shocking News With Zachary Krishef, I’m Zachary Krishef. Have an excellent morning.

 

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The Ultimate Experiment?


Hello, readers. While not necessarily on this blog, I have complained about Twilight for years. My complaints have ranged from the contrived and boring story to the various “morals” that can be drawn from it. I finally have received some proof as to the horrible messages in this article.  Please go to the “Unfortunate Implications” section for more details.

Now, an idea has entered into my mind. Whether it was born from a reader’s morbid curiosity or the frozen state that my brain is currently in (Thank you, fall!), part of me wishes to read the Twilight series, and then analyze it here.  And, because my thinking processes are still bleary from morning tiredness and the weather, I will let YOU decide! Comment below, yes or no. Should I read what I believe to be the worst book series known to Earth, or not? (Be warned: Once I come to my senses,  I may simply disregard all comments made, or lack of comments.) Have an excellent morning, afternoon, evening, night, and midnight! (Or, in layman’s terms, a day.)

Friday/Saturday Recap


Hi, readers. This isn’t going to be funny. My fish, Cheesy, died earlier today. No weird pictures, clever titles, or humors.

1. Read books. I wanted to make a post mocking one that I read, but this isn’t the right time.

2. Cheesy died.

3. I took Mr. Macho on a walk by myself, for the first time.

For Miscellaneous Soup, I’m Zachary Krishef. Have an excellent day.

Big Cheap Bombs (Available Near Your Local Dunkin’ Donuts)


Yes, we actually saw this. Well, sort of. I found a picture on the Internet.

Road trip! Harry, my adorable little brother, is off to a sleep-away camp! Highlights of the trip! (Note: Highlights equals memorable events, not necessarily good, as in the case of the first one.)

Zzzzzz….OW! Zzzzz…..OW! Zzzzz….OW! I discovered the joys of neck cramps when falling asleep in a moving car for multiple hours. Fortunately, I also discovered the invention known as the ‘neck pillow.’

This is not the neck pillow in question. I just wanted to see if one exists.

Big Cheap Bombs! Yes, I saw that sign. Two of them, in fact. A fireworks sign was sandwiched in between them. Is it just me, or does it seem like Dunkin’ Donuts is getting a little rough with its competition? It’s good that I’m not telling you this on the phone, or the FBI would come storming in, and arrest us. Wait, do we have Verizon? I’m not sure.

Waaahhhhhh.. I’m not happy that Harry’s gone. Oh, well. I just have to wait for a couple of weeks, and he’ll be back. I will watch one episode of Spongebob, no matter how horrible and unfunny, in his honor! (And write him a letter.)

Joker and Deadpool: A new story will be up, shortly. Have an excellent day, keep reading, happy Tuesday! Zachary out.

Choose Your Own Adventure: Miscellaneous Soup Style! Chapter Two


STOP! IF YOU HAVE RANDOMLY FOUND THIS PAGE, GO TO THE MAIN STORY. THAT WAY, YOU CAN EXPERIENCE THIS STORY IN ORDER. 

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Ed chose to E.D.I.T. Good for him! Unfortunately, he gets eaten by llamas. Then, his corpse goes to Heck: Where the Bad Kids Go. (found here). Where should his funeral be held?

To hold it in Michigan, go to Chapter Four. To hold it in Studio 8H, go to Chapter Five.

Choose Your Own Adventure: Miscellaneous Soup Style! Chapter One


Hi, everyone. This is a Choose Your Own Adventure story. It continues over multiple blog post, but this is the main one. Simply start reading the story and make your choice. Let’s begin.

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Ed is bored. He finds an article for an editorial dicussion in Tijuana, but he also discovers news on an ornithological mount in Texas. What should Ed do? E.D.I.T. or O.M.I.T.?

To E.D.I.T., go to Chapter Two. To O.M.I.T., go to Chapter Three.

How Owning A Dog Is Ninja Training


Hello, readers. I found that image on Google Images. Nice drawing! (IF IT ISN’T SHOWING UP FOR THOSE OF YOU READING THIS IN AN EMAIL SUBSCRIPTION [HINT, HINT: MOM AND SARAH], THEN GO CLICK THE LINK AND GO TO THE MAIN POST.) Anyway, I have a dog. He is a Shih Tzu, and his name fluctuates, depending on who’s calling him. Owning a dog can prepare ANYONE for being a ninja, even me. Here’s why:

1) Punctuality: You learn to be on time. When a dog needs to go out/be fed, YOU MUST DO THAT. For ninja training, you have to be on time for your assassinations and spying and whatnot.

2) Speed: Ever drop food on the ground? For dogless people (Get one. They are adorable. I am far less bored, and he keeps me company.), you have plenty of time to pick it up, if you happen to be one of those people who disregards the five-second rule and says, “Hey, look! I found a nacho! *eats nacho*” or “Chocolate! *eats* Pretzels! *eats*”, then that lifestyle will soon be gone. DOGS WILL EAT YOUR FOOD. Take this afternoon. I was enjoying a leisurely snack of some pretzels, when I kept (accidentally) dropping some. Who should come but Mr. Macho, snuffling in search of crumbs and morsels. Fortunately, I had already picked them up, and was eating them. A year ago, I would not have been able to do that. If I had a dog then, they would have disappeared into his/her gullet. But, a year ago, I did not have a dog. My family got him over the summer. How does this relate to ninjas, you ask? Well, you need to catch knives, bullets, or potted plants (enemies are very resourceful) that people throw or shoot at you.

3) YOU decide! I can’t think of anything, so make a comment and say why YOU think that owning a dog can help with ninja training! Ninjas, dog owners, and dogs are preferred, but ANYONE can comment. No, really. Please. Also, subscribe.